Subject: Food/Drink

If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Eating Food/Drink

Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Food/Drink

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Alcohol Congress Government

Sam Snead was born with a natural ability to keep his bar bills as low as his golf scores.

(1910 – 1983) professional golfer
Alcohol Golf Sports

I personally stay away from natural foods; at my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Food/Drink Old

I asked for a dry martini!

(1914 – 2008) screenwriter
Food/Drink

Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.

(54 BC – 39 AD) Roman orator
Alcohol Food/Drink

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last forty years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Eating Food/Drink Marriage

Never order a drink where you get to keep the glass.

novelist, screenwriter & businessman
Food/Drink Situations

If I wanted to be with people p**sing themselves and talking rubbish, I’d have a kid.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink People

Here's to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life's problems.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Alcohol Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

By the way, you don’t have to be sweaty and holding a basketball to enjoy a Gatorade; you could just be a thirsty dude; Gatorade forgets about this demographic!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

There definitely needs to be water on the sidelines for these players, but I also had some Gatorade just in case they were allergic to the water or vice versa.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer
Alcohol Health Misspokements Sports

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.

(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer
Food/Drink

Rum: Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Alcohol Definitions

I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Eating Food/Drink

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first; by the second day you're off it.

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor
Food/Drink Health

I went to a Chinese restaurant and there was a suggestion box, so I wrote ‘Free Tibet.’

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink Places

I'm sick of 'soup of the day,' it's time we made a decision.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.

(1930 – 2017) American journalist & author
Alcohol Characteristics Food/Drink