Subject: Definitions

Definitions:

Humorous definitions, often through the use of puns or wordplay

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Take Home Pay: An amount of money which is called that because it is never big enough to go anywhere else with it.

Definitions Money

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so you can die rich.

Definitions Money

Peeping Tom: A window fan.

Definitions Wordplay

Woman: An animal… having rudimentary susceptibility to domestication… The species is the most widely distributed of all beast of prey… The woman is omnivorous and can be taught not to talk.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Men People

Defame: To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Lies Truth

After-Dinner Speaker: A person who only has a few words to say, but seldom stops when he has said them.

Definitions

Guest towel: A small square of non-absorbent fabric surrounded by waterproof embroidery.

Definitions Things

Cardiology: The study of poker playing.

Activities Definitions

Economist: A man who knows more about money than the people who have it.

Definitions Occupations People

User-Friendly: Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to its programmer.

Computers Definitions Things

Nice Girl: One who whispers sweet nothing-doings in your ear.

Definitions

Ignoramus: Someone who doesn’t know something that you learned yesterday.

Definitions Intelligence

Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Art Definitions

Diplomat: A person who thinks twice before saying nothing.

Definitions

Alarm Clock: That which scares the daylight out of you.

Definitions Wordplay

Slander: To lie, or tell the truth about someone.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions

Impotent: Willy-nilly.

Definitions Sex

Taxation: The process by which money is collected from the people to pay the salaries of the men who do the collecting.

Definitions Government Taxes

Business Forecaster: A person who is uncertain about the future and hazy about the present.

Definitions

Wife: A former sweetheart.

Definitions Marriage

Altar: To change through marriage.

Definitions Marriage