Subject: Relationships

Have you ever been dating anyone, and you think they're normal, and all of the sudden, they start freaking out on you?… yelling, 'Untie me!'

television writer, actor
Activities Dating Relationships

My son has taken up meditation… at least it's better than sitting around doing nothing.

typographer
Relationships Situations

I don’t get what is so cool about dating DJ’s; that’s like dating a valet because he drives a nice car.

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian
Dating Relationships

My boyfriend and I broke up; he wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Marriage Relationships

Monica: Okay, everybody. Relax. This is not even a date. It’s just two people going out to dinner and not having sex.

Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.

(1969 – ) Canadian-American actor
Dating Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

The only difference in the game of love over the last few thousand years is that they've changed trumps from clubs to diamonds.

Emotions Love Relationships

My grandfather was actually a Holocaust survivor, and you can tell that it really affected him because to this day, he still will not walk into a gas chamber.

(1981 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Relationships Situations

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Relationships Situations

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was ‘Always.’

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Characteristics Relationships Situations

The baby is fine; the only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Appearance Insults Relationships Ugly

Why do I always meet women as I’m leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? … and it’s always on the day I forgot my dog…

(1964 – ) American comedian
Animals Dogs Relationships Situations

Family reunions is that time when you come face to face with your family tree, and you realize some branches need to be cut.

American comedian
Relationships Situations

My girlfriend and I almost didn't have the second date because on the first date I didn't open the car door for her… I just swam to the surface.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Dating Relationships Situations

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Family Relationships Science/Weather

Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.

(1907 – 1987) American journalist & author
Animals Relationships

Why don't you come up and see me sometime, when I got nothing on but the radio?

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Clothing Dating Relationships

In the race for love, I was scratched.

Emotions Love Relationships

[My mother] had something like ‘time out;' it was called ‘knock out.'

American comedian
Age Relationships Young

A friend who is near and dear may in time become as useless as a relative.

(1866 – 1944) American writer, newspaper columnist, playwright & humorist
Friends People Relationships

Of course a platonic relationship is possible, but only between husband and wife.


Marriage Relationships Sex

I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they’re just as scared of me.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Relationships Self