Subject: Appearance » Ugly

I told my psychiatrist I keep thinking I’m ugly and he told me to lay on the couch… face down!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Doctors Health Ugly

If I had a dog with a face like yours, I’d shave its ass and teach it to walk backward.

(1953 – 1987) Dutch-born American actor
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes Ugly

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Appearance Family Mothers Ugly

She was known as a two bagger; that’s when a girl is so ugly that you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Ugly

I went to the doctor and said, “Doc, every morning when I wake up and look in the mirror, I throw up. What’s wrong?” The doctor said, “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Self Ugly

I’m callin’ you ugly, I could stick yo face in some dough and make some gorilla cookies.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes Ugly

My girlfriend was no bargain either; she used to braid her armpits.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Girlfriends Hair People Ugly

Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing; you should never look down.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Sex Ugly

Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Appearance Ugly

He was so ugly… he hurt my feelings.

(1894 – 1975) American comedian
Appearance Body Ugly

Ugly as home made sin on a Sunday.

Appearance Ugly

She has a face like a saint – a St. Bernard!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Appearance Dogs Ugly

He is so ugly… the psychiatrist makes him lie face down.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

My husband was so ugly, he used to stand outside the doctor’s office and make people sick.

(1894 – 1975) American comedian
Appearance Health Husbands Marriage Ugly

Things could always be worse; for instance, you could be ugly and work in the Post Office.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Appearance Characteristics Ugly Work

The life expectancy of a house plant varies inversely with its price and directly with its ugliness.

Appearance Murphy’s Laws Ugly

Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen… I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Appearance Ugly

She is so ugly… when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Eating Food/Drink Mothers Ugly

He is so ugly… when he throws a boomerang it won’t come back.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Ugly as stump full of spiders.

Appearance Expressions Ugly