Subject: Appearance

Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Age Appearance Body Old

The body of a young woman is God's greatest achievement; of course He could have made it to last longer, but you can't have everything.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Appearance Body People Women

The maitre d’hotel of a smart hotel: I am sorry, sir, but you have no necktie.
Groucho: That’s all right, don’t be sorry. I remember the time I had no pants.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Clothing

My wife went to a beauty parlor and got a mudpack; for two days she looked nice, then the mud fell off.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Appearance Body Marriage Wives

Why does everything you wear look like it’s bearing a grudge, darling?

(1958 – ) English comedian, screenwriter & actress
Appearance Clothing TV/Movie Quotes

Belly: The veranda over the toy shop.

Appearance Body Definitions

I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body only 2” taller.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body

Abdomen: A bowl-shaped cavity containing the organs of indigestion.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Appearance Body Eating

He looked like something that had gotten loose from Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

(1888 – 1964) comedian & actor
Appearance Body Insults

It's easy to distract fat people; it's a piece of cake.

(1972 – ) English standup comedian, writer & actor
Appearance Body Fat Food/Drink

I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to Ripley’s Believe It or Not: they sent it back and said, “We don’t believe it.”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Ugly

He looks as though he’s been weaned on a pickle.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
Appearance Insults

You know you're getting old when kids start to dress like you used to.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author
Age Appearance Clothing Old

His ears made him look like a taxicab with both doors open.

(1905 – 1976) industrialist, aviator, engineer, film producer & philanthropist
Appearance Insults

The fashion wears out more apparel than the man.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
Appearance Clothing

He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Appearance Insults

I told my psychiatrist I keep thinking I’m ugly and he told me to lay on the couch… face down!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Doctors Health Ugly

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body People

Be true to your teeth and they won't be false to you.

(1926 – 2009) comedian, actor, radio – TV personality & host
Appearance Body Characteristics

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Appearance People

Damn your nose, madam… there’s no end to it!

(1727 – 1788) English painter
Appearance Body Insults