Subject: Appearance (Page 3)

As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp.

Animals Appearance Dogs Expressions Ugly

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Appearance Insults Marriage

Clothes and manners do not make the man; but, when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance.

(1813 – 1887) American clergyman, social reformer & abolitionist
Appearance Clothing

Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leaves off something he looks worse.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Appearance Clothing Men People Women

My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese… as if she doesn’t have enough on her plate.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Appearance Body Fat

His features resembled a fossilized wash rag.

(1925 – 2008) British journalist
Appearance Insults

The guy that designed girls’ volleyball uniforms definitely never had daughters.

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Appearance Clothing Sports

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body People Self

All God’s children are not beautiful; most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Appearance People

Strapless Gown: A compromise between the law of decency and the law of gravity.

Clothing Definitions

Diaphragm: A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.

Body Definitions Health

I eat like a vulture… unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Eating Food/Drink

Brian London possesses the most unbeautiful face – it looks as if it, at one time, fell apart and was reassembled by a drunken mechanic.

English broadcaster, journalist & author
Appearance Boxing Sports

You can't even jump high enough to touch the rim, unless they put a Big Mac on it.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Body Sports

I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool; I didn’t want to go, because I’ve put on like a hundred pounds.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Fat Situations

Fat: Energy gone to waist.

Appearance Body Definitions Fat

It's got lots of installation.

Appearance Clothing Malaprops

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance Body Intelligence Men People Stupidity

Al, why don't you get a haircut?

(1897 – 1961) American actress
Appearance Body Hair

I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance People Self Ugly

All I can say is, if they show my butt in a movie, it better be a wide shot.

(1969 – ) American actress, dancer, singer & entrepreneur
Appearance Body People Self