Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Hollywood Squares
Hollywood Squares:
The best lines from the television show "Hollywood Squares"
Peter Marshall: True or false… some African Watusi tribesmen greet guests by running toward them at full speed, then high-jumping over them.Charley Weaver: This is sometimes terribly embarrassing to tall guests.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Elizabeth Taylor calls it ‘the Big One,’ What is it? Paul Lynde: They both look the same to me!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Tom Bergeron: How does a comet get its tail?Peter Marshall [as a contestant]: Oh, the same as everyone else I guess, a little cognac, a Barry White CD…
Peter Marshall
(1926 – ) American television personality & game show host
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What are “dual purpose” cattle good for that other cattle aren’t?Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies… but I don’t recommend the cookies!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, the Rio Grande River separates Texas and Mexico. What does “Rio Grande” mean in Spanish?Paul Lynde: El Washing Machine.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Good Housekeeping Magazine, Lucille Ball was 40 years old before she had her first what?Paul Lynde: Red hair.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, your husband, Edgar, is talking in his sleep. Should you be upset if he talks about his secretary? Joan Rivers: And how… his secretary is a guy!
Joan Rivers
(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Father Lester's column, is there ever, EVER a time when it is permissible to punch somebody in the mouth?George Gobel: Well, yeah. Like if he backs into the church's new Chevy wagon.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Karen Valentine made her film debut in a film called “Gidget…” Gidget what? Paul Lynde: Gidget Gets Morning Sickness.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Playboy Magazine recently published a book by billionaire J. Paul Getty called, “How To …” How to what?Paul Lynde: How To Treat Oily Skin.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Before a cow will give you any milk, she has to have something very important. What?Paul Lynde: An engagement ring.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Billy Graham, can you get anything you’ve always wanted in Heaven, if you didn’t get it on Earth?Charley Weaver: Yes, but there’s an extra charge for the whitewalls.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What new motion picture has an ad campaign that states “He’s a lonely forgotten man desperate to prove that he’s alive?”Marty Allen: Nixon Goes To China.
Marty Allen
(1922 – 2018) comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Experts say you should avoid sex immediately after… what?Paul Lynde: Surgery.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… there is absolutely no weather on the moon? Wally Cox: Well, there will be when we get there!
Wally Cox
(1924 – 1973) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Does the Secret Service have any women? George Gobel: Of course, who do you think performs the secret service?
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to
Movie Life
magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait a while. Why? Paul Lynde: He’s out of town.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What’s that thing to the east of Sweden? Paul Lynde: Have you seen Anita Ekberg lately?
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Should you train your very young children on the piano? Charley Weaver: No, try newspapers.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, do most people sleep better in their street clothes than in their pajamas?Paul Lynde: Yeah, we call them winos.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Is it possible for you to make a dog laugh?Charley Weaver: Well, I tried to housebreak a dog once and he just laughed and laughed.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
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