Subject: Miscellaneous

If brains was grease, he couldn’t slick the head of a pin.

Miscellaneous

Probably the saddest thing you’ll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy… forget it, little friend.

Miscellaneous

Who put a bee in her bonnet?

Miscellaneous

Meaner than a stripe-ed snake

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Well tie me to a pig and role me in the mud!

Miscellaneous

What are they planting to grow the seedless watermelon?

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Miscellaneous

Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we’re not ready; but maybe they’ll change their tune after a little torture.

Miscellaneous

If you go to a costume party at your boss’s house, wouldn’t you think a good costume would be to dress up like the boss’s wife? … trust me, it’s not.

Miscellaneous

What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?

(1898 – 1956) German poet, playwright & theater director
Miscellaneous

Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.

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Most people don’t realize that two large pieces of coral painted brown and attached to the skull with common wood screws can make a child look like a deer.

Miscellaneous

I feel like I was et by a coyote and shit over a cliff.

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Like a dose of salts through a widow woman.

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He’d scare a horse from his oats.

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It’s like swimming through peanut butter.

Miscellaneous

California Mayor Curbs Self Over Dog Poop Incident

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Slower than molasses in January

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Narrow between the eyes.

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Don’t keep reaching for the stars because you’ll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

(1974 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & television host
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I don’t know which is worse… that everyone has his price, or that the price is always so low.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
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I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don’t want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, “What was THAT?!”

Miscellaneous