Subject: TV/Movie Quotes

TV/Movie Quotes:

Humorous lines from television, film and fictional characters
                         (click on name for more quotes by that character)

I’ll see you at the opera tonight. I’ll hold your seat till you get there. After you get there you’re on your own.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn’t want to own one.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
People TV/Movie Quotes Women

Men don’t like to cuddle. We only like it if it leads to… you know… lower cuddling.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Janice: [Janice walks downstairs and finds Monica and Chandler looking at her house] What a small world!

Chandler: … And yet, I never run into Beyonce.

(1969 – ) Canadian-American actor
TV/Movie Quotes

I can’t give you brains, but I can give you a diploma.

(1890 – 1949) American actor
Intelligence TV/Movie Quotes

Time’s fun when you're having flies.

(1936 – 1990) cartoonist, screenwriter, director & creator of the Muppets
Time TV/Movie Quotes

Grace: You said that money is no object

Karen: Oh honey, that’s just a saying, like ‘Ooh… that sounds like fun.’ or ‘I love you.’

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
TV/Movie Quotes

The ancient Egyptian kings, the fairy-ohs.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
TV/Movie Quotes

Dig a hole in the ground and throw away the key.

(1971 – ) American actress
Mixed metaphors TV/Movie Quotes

Sam: How’s life treating you Norm?

Norm: Like it caught me sleeping with its wife.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Life TV/Movie Quotes

Won by your distinguished incrumbent.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops TV/Movie Quotes

I really must go. I’m hosting a seminar on multiple personality disorders and it takes me forever to fill out the name tags.

(1959 – ) American actor
TV/Movie Quotes

They’ve found a way to bring the charm of an airport to a midtown location.

(1959 – ) American actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Men are such idiots and I married their king.

(1954 – ) American actress & singer-songwriter
Men TV/Movie Quotes

Sue Ann: Mary, you’ve been in my bedroom before, haven’t you?

Mary: [looking around in amazement] Oh, no! I would’ve remembered this!

1922) American actress, comedian & television personality
TV/Movie Quotes

John Winger: C'mon, it's Czechoslovakia. We zip in, we pick 'em up, we zip right out again. We're not going to Moscow. It's Czechoslovakia. It's like going into Wisconsin.
Ziskey: Well I got the shit kicked out of me in Wisconsin once. Forget it!

(1944 – 2014) American actor, director & writer
TV/Movie Quotes

I haven’t seen this many white people in tuxedos since the Titanic.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Appearance Clothing TV/Movie Quotes

Some people just shake’n bake, but I buy’n fry.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

The highest standard of living – the grossest national product.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

Look at you, you’re white as a goat.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops TV/Movie Quotes