Subject: TV/Movie Quotes

TV/Movie Quotes:

Humorous lines from television, film and fictional characters
                         (click on name for more quotes by that character)

The Bunkers is going down to Florida as pre-deranged.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops TV/Movie Quotes

If a thing is worth having, it’s worth cheating for.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
TV/Movie Quotes

Susan: Arthur, will you take my hand?

Arthur: That would leave you with one!

(1935 – 2002) English actor, comedian, composer & musician
TV/Movie Quotes

Captain Oveur: What is it, Doctor? What’s going on?
Rumack: I’m not sure. I haven’t seen anything like this since the Anita Bryant concert.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Morticia: [walking into their baby’s nursery] Oh, Gomez. It’s dark, it’s depressing, it’s desolate.
Gomez: It says, “Toddler”.
Morticia: It’s a dream.

(1951 – ) American actress & director
TV/Movie Quotes

Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.

(1959 – ) American actor, director, writer, singer & comedian
Beliefs Honesty Lies TV/Movie Quotes

Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I’ve got a nickel in my pocket.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Money Poverty TV/Movie Quotes

Your lucky number… is… C.

(1971 – ) American actress
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you… he really is an idiot.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults TV/Movie Quotes

The Lord descend down a thundervolt.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

Sam: You know what Woody, you just gave me something to think about.

Woody: I’m sorry Sam, I hate it when someone does that to me.

(1961 – ) American actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Rose: I just can’t eat a greasy cheeseburger in the middle of the day anymore. Doesn’t it bloat you?

Doris: Bloat me? No, it doesn’t bloat me! Actually I thought it went real well with the spare ribs I had for breakfast.


Eating Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

Homo Sapiens… is he an Arab?

(1923 – 2013) American actress
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

Colonel Mustard: How many husbands have you had?
Mrs. White: Mine or other women's?

(1942 – 1999) American actress
Husbands TV/Movie Quotes

Looks like your new sweetie’s turned his back on homosexuals. And not in a good way.

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

It is not true that sex degrades women… if it is any good.

(1965 – ) English comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

You may have heard some funny comedians in your time – Milton Berlin, Don Trickles.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops TV/Movie Quotes

Is a bear Catholic?

(1971 – ) American actress
Mixed metaphors TV/Movie Quotes

He’s too nervous to kill himself; he wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie.

(1920 – 2000) American actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Mr. West, not every situation requires your patented approach of shoot first, shoot later, shoot some more and then when everybody’s dead, try to ask a question or two.

(1947 – ) American stage & screen actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Morticia: It’s Gomez, I’m terribly worried about him. He won’t eat, he can’t sleep, he keeps coughing up blood…
Margaret: He coughs up blood?
Morticia: Well, not like he used to.

(1951 – ) American actress & director
TV/Movie Quotes