Author Tina Fey | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Tina Fey

President Bush and the Indian prime minister agreed Thursday on a landmark nuclear energy agreement in which the U.S. would share its nuclear know-how and fuel with India. And, in exchange, India would take all our jobs.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students… there were no survivors.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Arms Conflict Guns NRA

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger’s popularity has been slipping in recent months as residents slowly begin to realize they elected Arnold Schwarzenegger to be their governor.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes Arnold Schwarzenegger From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live”

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Appearance Beauty

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs; if you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Emotions Entertainment Laughter Audiences Writers

I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Things Photoshop

A Senate committee on Thursday approved a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage, apparently forgetting that our forefathers wore wigs and satin Capri pants.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes

Al Qaeda on Friday released a statement confirming the death of Osama Bin Laden. They also announced that, as a result, Monday will be a half-day.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live” Osama bin Laden

South Dakota Gov. Mike Rounds on Monday signed legislation banning almost all abortions in the state; as a result, South Dakota is changing its motto from ‘Under God, the People Rule’ to ‘You should have thought of that before prom.’

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes

In the wake of a successful Iraqi elections President Bush’s job approval rating has jumped up to 57% or, as high school teachers call it, an ‘F’.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Miscellaneous From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live” George W. Bush

Kenneth: Your landlord called and he says it's not the toilet, it's you.
Liz: That's his opinion.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes As Liz Lemon in “30 Rock”

If convicted [Scooter] Libby could face the following penalties: obstruction of justice: 10 years in prison; making false statements: 5 years; perjury: 4 years; going to jail with the name Scooter: priceless.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live” Scooter Libby

Jack: We are lovers.
Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Miscellaneous As Liz Lemon in “30 Rock”

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Characteristics Anxiety

U2 lead singer Bono met with President Bush at the White House this week. Bono urged the president to help the world’s poor; Bush urged Bono to get back with Cher.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live” George W. Bush

I haven’t seen this many white people in tuxedos since the Titanic.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Appearance Clothing TV/Movie Quotes As Liz Lemon in “30 Rock”

Gay people don’t actually try to convert people… that’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

People Gays Jehovah's Witnesses

Jack: We are lovers.
Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes As Liz Lemon in “30 Rock”

Last week, Hurricane Wilma grew into the strongest storm ever recorded in the Atlantic, with sustained winds at 175 miles per hour… or, as it’s called around FEMA, ‘Casual Friday’.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live”

A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature; plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Health Babies Rectal thermometers Temperature

According to Secret Service logs, convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff was at the White House only two times in the past fives years; of course, the real question is: was it the same two times that President Bush was there?

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes

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Author: Tina Fey

President Bush and the Indian prime minister agreed Thursday on a landmark nuclear energy agreement in which the U.S. would share its nuclear know-how and fuel with India. And, in exchange, India would take all our jobs.

In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students… there were no survivors.

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger’s popularity has been slipping in recent months as residents slowly begin to realize they elected Arnold Schwarzenegger to be their governor.

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs; if you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.

I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.

A Senate committee on Thursday approved a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage, apparently forgetting that our forefathers wore wigs and satin Capri pants.

Al Qaeda on Friday released a statement confirming the death of Osama Bin Laden. They also announced that, as a result, Monday will be a half-day.

South Dakota Gov. Mike Rounds on Monday signed legislation banning almost all abortions in the state; as a result, South Dakota is changing its motto from ‘Under God, the People Rule’ to ‘You should have thought of that before prom.’

In the wake of a successful Iraqi elections President Bush’s job approval rating has jumped up to 57% or, as high school teachers call it, an ‘F’.

Kenneth: Your landlord called and he says it's not the toilet, it's you.
Liz: That's his opinion.

If convicted [Scooter] Libby could face the following penalties: obstruction of justice: 10 years in prison; making false statements: 5 years; perjury: 4 years; going to jail with the name Scooter: priceless.

Jack: We are lovers.
Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

U2 lead singer Bono met with President Bush at the White House this week. Bono urged the president to help the world’s poor; Bush urged Bono to get back with Cher.

I haven’t seen this many white people in tuxedos since the Titanic.

Gay people don’t actually try to convert people… that’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.

Jack: We are lovers.
Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

Last week, Hurricane Wilma grew into the strongest storm ever recorded in the Atlantic, with sustained winds at 175 miles per hour… or, as it’s called around FEMA, ‘Casual Friday’.

A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature; plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss.

According to Secret Service logs, convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff was at the White House only two times in the past fives years; of course, the real question is: was it the same two times that President Bush was there?