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Confucius say:

Jokes using puns and often risqué double-meanings 'fictitiously attributed' to Confucius, a famous Chinese philosopher (around 500 BC.) His name is used only to lend credence to the sayings of a “wise man.”

Confucius say… men screw with dicks… women screw with minds.

Confucius say… smart ass is someone who can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you what flavor it is.

Confucius say… smart man is like fish: keep mouth shut and stay out of trouble.

Confucius say… he who thinks by the inch and talks by the yard deserves to be kicked by the foot.

Confucius say… lovers in triangle not on square.

Confucius say… forbidden fruits make many jams.

Confucius say… when the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

Confucius say… supermarket is where you spend 30 minutes hunting for instant coffee.

Confucius say… man who have head up ass, have crappy outlook on life.

Confucius say… man who put head it fruit drink, get punch in nose.

Confucius say… surgeon who make mistake, forced to take a cut in salary.

Confucius say… even a turtle only makes progress when it sticks its neck out.

Confucius say… if you want your dreams to come true, don't oversleep.

Confucius say… man is only as faithful as his options.

Confucius say… if someone calls you fat, don't get angry… just turn the other chin.

Confucius say… is impossible to sling mud with clean hands.

Confucius say… tongue must be heavy indeed, because so few people can hold it.

Confucius say… difference between pink and purple, is your grip.

Confucius say… person will never tell a lie, if truth will do more damage.

Confucius say… if a soda can goes to school, it will take fizz ed.

Confucius say… butcher who back into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders.