Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 2)

They say no one knows if we all see red the same way… except traffic cops.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Miscellaneous

We’ve had to get a live-in nanny, ‘cos that dead one wasn’t working out.

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
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I don’t advocate that children start smoking… but for those kids who already do smoke, boy, it’s good, isn’t it?

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Side gal

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Sloppier than two pigs in a bucket

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Too bad you can’t just grab a tree by the very tip-top and bend it clear over the ground and then let her fly, because I bet you’d be amazed at all the stuff that comes flying out.

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Dumber than a road lizard

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He was wound up tighter ‘en a bango string.

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She came down the road like a Tennessee Walker.

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The Atlanta Hawks are a bunch of guys who would prefer to pass kidney stones than pass a basketball.

American basketball coach
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How many people have never raised their hand before?

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
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Presidential ambition is a disease which can only be cured by embalming fluid.

(1903 – 1963) U.S. senator (Tennessee)
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Peep of day

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His brain rolls around in his head like a mustard seed in a five gallon bucket.

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If I lived back in the olden days, and the doctor put leeches on me, I’d tell him to put them on my face, in the shape of a beard, so I could see how I’d look.

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Peter Marshall: Paul, is there such a thing as a female rooster?

Paul Lynde: Yeah, they're the ones who just go "a doodle doo!"

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He is ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag.

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I do not see why I should break my neck because a dog chooses to run after a nasty smell.

(1848 – 1930) British Conservative politician & statesman
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His face was all plowed up

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Fortune for reading only. Do not eat.

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… I hadn’t the heart to touch my breakfast; I told Jeeves to drink it himself.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Miscellaneous