Subject: Science/Weather

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Education School Science/Weather

It is so hot… I saw a chicken lay a fried egg.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

The progress of science varies inversely with the number of journals published.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing Science/Weather

The trouble isn’t that there are too many fools, but that the lightning isn’t distributed right.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Fools Intelligence Science/Weather

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Body Mothers Science/Weather

I’d like the window that says “Are you sure you want to do this? “OK/Cancel” to pop up less often on my computer and more in my real life.

Life Science/Weather

Any man that has never seen a baby emerge from another person’s body will walk around for months just going, ‘Oh my God; what else don’t I know about Planet Earth?’

(1955 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & impressionist
Children Family Science/Weather

Red sky at night, shepherd’s delight; blue sky at night… day.

Humorist
Science/Weather

Never change your plans because of the weather.

Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

Distant relatives are the best kind, and the further the better.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Family Science/Weather

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Cold Science/Weather

It is so hot… I saw a robin dipping his worm in iced tea.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Heat Science/Weather

The most serious charge which can be brought against New England is not Puritanism but February.

(1893 – 1970) American writer, critic & naturalist
Cold Places Science/Weather

It is so hot… the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

In creating the human brain, evolution has wildly overshot the mark.

(1905 – 1983) Hungarian-British author & journalist
People Science/Weather

There is no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.

(1819 – 1900) English art critic, social thinker, poet & artist
Science/Weather

Sleet: A slipcover.

Definitions Science/Weather

The speed of time is one second per second.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather Time

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

Money Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Things

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

Science/Weather

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55 MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the
 road an hour.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Science/Weather Things