Subject: Education » School

They put me in Special Ed because they thought I was slow, but I stayed in Special Ed for the ladies.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Education Girls Intelligence School

You never catch on until after the test.

Education Murphy’s Laws School Understanding

1. The more general the title of a course, the less you will learn from it. 2. The more specific a title is, the less you will be able to apply it.

Education Murphy’s Laws School

In school, every period ends with a bell… every sentence ends with a period… every crime ends with a sentence.


Education School

Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges.

(1941 – ) American singer & songwriter
Death Education School

Being dead is one way to experience nothing, another is to attend some classes at my school.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Death Education School

Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad’s payroll – and on to his wife’s.

Definitions Education School

I had a terrible education… I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Education School

Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything one learned in school.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Education Learning Memory School

If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

Education Murphy’s Laws School

Bachelor's degrees make pretty good placemats if you get 'em laminated.

(1980 – ) cartoonist
Education School Things

I spent three of the happiest years of my life in the fifth grade.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Education School TV/Movie Quotes

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Education Religion School

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

(1974 – ) American comedian
Education School

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Computers Dogs School Things

After I failed my second test, I grabbed my teacher by the front of the shirt and said “Are you ‘trying’ to keep this shit a secret?”

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Education School

I never graduated from Iowa. I was only there for two terms – Truman's and Eisenhower's.

(1935 – 2012) American football player, sports announcer & actor
Education School

The philosophy exam was a piece of cake… which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.

Education School

If you're confident after you've just finished an exam, it's because you don't know enough to know better.

Education Intelligence Murphy’s Laws School

If I drop out of school, where am I gonna find drugs?

Palestinian/American comedian
Activities Drugs School Situations

With one or two exceptions, colleges expect their players of games to be reasonably literate.

(1898 – 1971) English classical scholar & academic
Education School Sports