Subject: Things » Computers

The only people making money these days are the ones who sell computer paper.

Computers Money Murphy’s Laws Things

The main reason I don’t cheat on my girlfriend is so I can go for a shower without taking my phone, laptop and iPad with me.

British comedian
Computers Relationships Things

If you can’t navigate a one-level, five-item phone tree, you didn’t need a computer anyway.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Computers Games Sports Things

Any program will expand to fill available memory.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things

At some point, the computer industry decided if you have an e-mail address, you must have some kind of penis problem.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Computers Things

What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me?

comedian, commentator, radio host, reporter & writer
Computers Language Sex Things

Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.

(1917 – ) English physicist & science fiction author
Computers Science/Weather Sex Things

Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one instruction — from which, by induction, one can deduce that every program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't work.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Things

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you’re providing support for a lifetime.


Computers Sex Things

Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things

Mommy, Why is There a Server in the House?

Book Titles Computers Things

Facetime fulfills a secret human desire: to mostly look at yourself while talking to other people.

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
Computers People Self Things

Users: Computer users are divided into three types: Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people's computers.

Computers Definitions People Things

User-Friendly: Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to its programmer.

Computers Definitions Things

Why is it drug addicts and computer afficionados are both called users?

(1950 – ) astronomer, author & computer security consultant
Computers People Things

To better understand why you need a personal computer, let’s take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Computers Life Things

If a computer cable has one end, then it has another.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Communication Computers Science/Weather Things

The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Computers Fools Intelligence People Things

There’s always one more bug.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things