Subject: Appearance » Body

High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist
Appearance Body Clothing Women

I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body only 2” taller.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body

I’d wring your neck… if you had one.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Appearance Body Insults

You can't even jump high enough to touch the rim, unless they put a Big Mac on it.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Body Sports

Working with Sophia Loren was like being bombed with watermelons.

(1913 – 1964) American film actor
Appearance Body

I don't order fries with my club sandwich.

Canadian hockey player
Body Hockey Sports

Silicone Treatment: The bust that money can buy.

Appearance Body Definitions

The quickest way to a man's heart really is through his stomach, because then you don't have to chop through that pesky rib cage.

(1980 – ) cartoonist
Body Emotions

All the men in my family are bald, and all the women are hunchbacked – and they don’t know we’re bald.

comedian
Appearance Body Family Fathers

If God had wanted women to have giant… fake boobs he’d be a lot like my brother.

(1964 – ) American comedian
Appearance Body Women

Paunch: A bulging trunk.

Appearance Body Definitions

My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body

Cultivate your curves – they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Appearance Body

For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body People Self

My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese… as if she doesn’t have enough on her plate.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Appearance Body Fat

She looks better goin than comin!

Appearance Body Expressions Ugly

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Ugly

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Dating Hair

You know you're getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.

comedian
Appearance Body Fat

An optimist is a girl who mistakes a bulge for a curve.

(1885 – 1933) columnist & writer
Appearance Body Fat

Americans like fat books and thin women.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Appearance Body Books Communication People Reading/Writing Women