Quotes and One Liners

Belknap’s Fat Flow Formula

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I have to work out like a tri-athlete just to maintain chubby.

Sharon Houston

comedian

Appearance Body Exercise Fat

Does this sign make my butt look fat?

Protest sign

Appearance Body Fat

Edible underwear?… even during sex, we can't stop eating.

Greg Giraldo

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality

Eating Fat Food/Drink Sex Americans Edible underwear

Fat is lost last where it is wanted the least. Corollary 1: Fat is lost first from areas of high desirability.
Corollary 2: With time fat flows from areas of high to low desirability. – Hal Belknap, M.D.

Appearance Body Fat Murphy’s Laws Hal Belknap M.D.

I’m so fat and I’m so depressed; last night I tried to hang myself – but the rope broke.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Appearance Body Fat Hanging Suicide

She’s so fat she wears stretch kaftans.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Appearance Body Clothing Fat Elizabeth Taylor

He is so fat… in the summer he can sell shade.

The most dangerous thing about American food?… the portions.

Jay Leno

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

Appearance Body Fat Food/Drink

He is so fat… when he steps on a scale, it reads "one at a time, please."

Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?

Rod Schmidt

Appearance Body Fat Sports Hockey goalie

With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes; with male menopause you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

Rita Rudner

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Fat Men People Women Hot flashes Menopause Motorcycles

She is so fat… when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.

Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.

Mark Twain

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Appearance Body Fat Insults Of Oliver Wendell Holmes

I have a doctor's appointment on Monday; I'm not even sick – it's just that I've been working out, and I want someone to see me naked.

Tracy Smith

American comedian

Appearance Body Fat Naked

I don’t want to lose weight; my tongue and my taste buds are the only friends I got.

Joey Kola

American stand-up comedian

Appearance Body Fat Friends People Young

He is so fat… when he ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Appearance Body Fat Insults

I was not a particularly small child; I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school play.

‘Jo’ Brand

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian

Age Appearance Fat Self

He is so fat… his high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.