Subject: Relationships » Dating

I wish that there was a restaurant named “I don't care,” so I'd finally know where my girlfriend was talking about.

(1979 – ) American actor, comedian & musician
Dating Food/Drink Relationships

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.

Dating Men People Sex Women

The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid; girls got pinned, not nailed.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Age Dating Sex

Incest: in many parts of the Bible Belt, the most popular form of dating.

American author
Dating Relationships Sex

Why don't you come up and have a little… scotch and sofa.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Dating Relationships Situations

Courtesy: The art of yawning with your mouth closed.

Dating Definitions Relationships

Whenever I’m about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes; because that way I don’t have to tell her about my herpes.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Dating Health Sex

Dating: An elaborate prelude to mating that fulfills much the same function as the sniffing ritual in dogs, but without its forthright honesty.

Dating Definitions Relationships

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

Dating Definitions Relationships

I like being married for two reasons: 1) I got really tired of dating, and 2) I got really tired of exercising.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Dating Exercise Marriage Relationships

In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock; in the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish; in the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black; in the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Dating Girls People Relationships

I met this girl, she was an actress, and she gave me her number; it started with 555.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Dating

I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think… I don’t know, her hair was on fire, and all she talked about was herself… you know these kind of girls: ‘I'm hot. I’m on fire… Me, me, me.’

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Dating Relationships

The best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one!

Dating Men Relationships Sex

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Communication Dating Relationships Wordplay

Strategy is buying a bottle of fine wine when you take a lady out for dinner; tactics is getting her to drink it.

(1920 – 1998) English comedy writer, radio & television personality
Dating Situations

How attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

Appearance Dating Murphy’s Laws People Relationships

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face; that's the price she has to pay.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Dating Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

Guys I’ve been meeting have the worst pickup lines, like: “Hey, what’s your friend’s name?”

(1977 – ) American comedian
Dating Men People Relationships

You might be a redneck if… your on your first date you had to ask your dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Dating People Rednecks

How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit suicide?

(1956 – ) American entertainer & comedian
Characteristics Dating Relationships