Author: Ogden Nash

I have an idea that the phrase ‘weaker sex’ was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Language Men People Women

Candy, is dandy, but liquor, is quicker.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Alcohol Food/Drink Sex Time

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else… and usually is.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Age People

Don’t over-analyze your marriage; it’s like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Marriage

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it, Whenever you're right, shut up.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Happiness Marriage

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Characteristics Children Family Parents People

A little incompatibility is the spice of life, as long as he has income and she is pattable.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Appearance Body Money Situations Women

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Accidents Life

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Money People

Senescence begins and middle age ends, the day your descendants outnumber your friends.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Age Old

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Intelligence Marriage Memory

Children aren’t happy with nothing to ignore, And that’s what parents were created for.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Children Family Fathers Mothers Parents

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
People Things

Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Situations Time

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Activities Husbands Marriage Relationships Sleep Things Wives

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Children Family Health Men Women

If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Money Work

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Communication Dating Relationships Wordplay

The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Animals Food/Drink

He is not drunk, who from the floor, can rise and stand and shout for more.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Alcohol Food/Drink

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Husbands Marriage Things Wives