Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol

I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health

An Irishman is the only man in the world who will step over the bodies of a dozen naked women to get to a bottle of stout.

Alcohol Food/Drink People

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink Situations

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.

(1937 – 2005) journalist & author
Alcohol Drugs Life Self

I am not so think as you drunk I am.

(1884 – 1958) British poet, writer, historian & literary editor
Alcohol Food/Drink Wordplay

You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

(1917 – 1995) singer, actor & comedian
Alcohol

One drink is just right; two is too many; three are too few.

Alcohol Food/Drink Proverbs

I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Eating Food/Drink

I got so drunk one night I woke up in a chalk outline.

American comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Alcohol Food/Drink Government Taxes

I feel like a drunken man who doesn’t have a drink.

English football player, manager & sports commentator
Alcohol Food/Drink Misspokements

If you don’t drink, then all of your stories suck and end with, “And then I got home…"

(1977 – ) Australian comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink

I envy people who drink… at least they have something to blame everything on.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink People

I never drink water; I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Characteristics

You can't fall off the floor.

Alcohol Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

The quality of a champagne is judged by the amount of noise the cork makes when it is popped.

Alcohol Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

My manager said, “Don’t use liquor as a crutch!” I can’t use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink

Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive; it makes it so you could care less that they’re ugly.

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Appearance Food/Drink

The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Alcohol Baseball Food/Drink Sports

Sam: You drinking again?

Rebecca: Certainly not. I never stopped.

(1951 – ) American actress
Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Alcohol Food/Drink