Subject: Appearance (Page 5)

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Appearance Marriage

A bikini is like a barbed-wire fence… it protects the property without obstructing the view.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Appearance Body Clothing

An income tax form is like a laundry list – either way you lose your shirt.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Clothing Government Taxes

A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Clothing Money People Women

Blubber Island

Appearance Book Titles Fat

… an old man who dresses like a Hooter’s waitress.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing Hair Insults

I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Books Hair

It is better to be looked over than overlooked.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Appearance Body

‘Homemade’ sounds much better when not referring to tattoos.

American comedian & actor
Appearance Body

My husband said ‘Show me your boobs.’ and I had to pull up my skirt… so it was time to get them done!

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress
Appearance Body

Who picks your clothes – Stevie Wonder?

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing Insults

I hate thin people; “Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Fat

The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to dress up for it.

(1924 – 1984) American author
Appearance Clothing Sex

Penis: The male organ used to write one’s name in snow.

Body Definitions Men

You know you’re getting fat when your socks don’t fit.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Appearance Fat

Accident: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

Accidents Body Mind Problems

The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Appearance Clothing

If God had intended us to go around naked, He would have made us that way.

Appearance Beliefs Clothing God

She is so fat… when she sits around the house, she sits around the house.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress
Appearance Characteristics Intelligence

Wind velocity increases directly with the cost of the hairdo.

Hair Murphy’s Laws