Keyword: Behavior

They’re like two cats in a sack.

Miscellaneous

1. The probability of a cat eating its dinner has absolutely nothing to do with the price of the food placed before it. 2. The probability that a household pet will raise a fuss is directly proportional to the number and importance of your guests.

Animals Money Murphy’s Laws

Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential.

(1884 – 1949) American humorist & literary critic
Characteristics

Act like you’ve got some raisin.

Miscellaneous

The wages of sin are unreported.

Government Taxes

He goes to church on Sunday, steals chickens on Monday.

Beliefs Expressions Honesty

… if the child was misbehaving, that's one thing, but if her parents were encouraging her, that's a whole new ballpark…

Mixed metaphors

It's good to know that if I behave strangely enough, society will take full responsibility for me.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Characteristics Situations

Always do right; this will gratify some people, and astonish the rest.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Life Situations

You’re acting crazier than a sprayed roach!

Miscellaneous

Be normal, and the crowd will accept you… be deranged, and they will make you their leader.

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Characteristics People

He really grates me up the wrong way.

Mixed metaphors

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.

Murphy’s Laws

Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept. 

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Hockey Sports

There are some situations from which one can only escape by acting like a devil or a lunatic.

Eric Arthur Blair (1903 – 50) English author & journalist
Situations

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will sometimes produce bizarre behavior… and I’m not talking about the kids.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Family Old Parents

There is no substitute for good manners… except, perhaps, fast reflexes.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws

I already know I’m going to hell, I’m just paving the road.

Miscellaneous

The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Appearance Clothing

Success is the result of behavior that completely contradicts the usual expectations about the behavior of a successful person.

Murphy’s Laws Success

I don’t know that my behavior has improved all that much with age; they just found someone worse.

American professional tennis player
Sports