Keyword: Penis

My husband's penis is like a semicolon… I can't remember what it's for and I never use it anyway.

British comedian
Family People Sex

I was dating this girl once for a few weeks, and the first time she saw my penis, she said, 'Is everything a joke with you?'

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Appearance Body Dating Relationships

Pamela Lee said her name is tattooed on her husband's penis; which explains why she changed her name from Anderson to Lee.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Insults

I went to my doctor and told him, "My penis is burning." … he said, "That means somebody is talking about it.”

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Communication Speech

Penis: Part of the male anatomy which contains the brain.

Body Definitions Men

How do you know if it's time to wash the dishes and clean your house?… look inside your pants and if you find a penis in there, it's not time.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Housework Men People Situations

My fairy Godmother once asked me if I’d rather have a long penis or a long memory… I forget what my answer was.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Intelligence Memory

Penis: The male organ used to write one’s name in snow.

Body Definitions Men

Is my wife dissatisfied with my body?… a small part of me says yes.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
God Men People Things

I don't have a huge penis, but I had everything in my bedroom built to three-quarters scale so it looks bigger.

stand-up comedian, writer & actor
Appearance Body

The Penis Name Book: A Guide to Naming Man’s Best Friend

Book Titles

It’s like my brain and my penis are locked in a chess match and I’m letting Him win.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
TV/Movie Quotes

I feel like Adam when he said to Eve, “Back up, I don't know how big this gets.”

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Sex Situations

I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Characteristics Opinion

It took us hundreds of years to get one Year of the Woman, then we get a year – one of us cuts her husband's penis off.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
People Situations Women