Subject: Relationships (Page 5)

Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Men People Relationships

When you first entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome. And then, of course, you spoke.

(1963 – ) American actress, film director & screenwriter
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

About age 30 most women think about having children, most men think about dating them.

American comedian & motivational speaker
Children Dating Family Men People Travel Women

I was dating this girl once for a few weeks, and the first time she saw my penis, she said, 'Is everything a joke with you?'

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Appearance Body Dating Relationships

If you think there are no new frontiers, watch a boy ring the front doorbell on his first date.

(1918 - 2002) American author
Dating Relationships Situations

George: She calls me up at my office. She says, “We have to talk.”
Jerry: Ugh. The four worst words in the English language.
George: That or “Whose bra is this?”

(1959 – ) American actor, director, writer, singer & comedian
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

I was dating an infectious disease doctor, 'cause… two birds.

(1981 – ) American Comedian
Dating Relationships

I know we’ve only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like none weeks and five days.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

Family reunions is that time when you come face to face with your family tree, and you realize some branches need to be cut.

American comedian
Relationships Situations

You might be a redneck if… your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Relationships

My husband and I have a monotonous relationship.

Malaprops Relationships

I’m at a point where I want a man in my life, but not in my house. Just come in, attach the VCR, and get out.

(1942 – ) American comedian, writer, actress & television host
Men People Relationships

The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid; girls got pinned, not nailed.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Age Dating Sex

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Family Relationships Science/Weather

Courtship: A period during which a girl decides whether or not she can do better.

Definitions Relationships

Nepotism is when the corporate ladder is built from the lumber of your family tree.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Family Relationships

In Genesis it says that it is not good for a man to be alone… but sometimes it is a great relief.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Men People Relationships

I'm trying to find one woman that I can spend the rest of this weekend with.

American comedian
People Relationships Women

To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent; she can't wait to disprove it.

(1904 – 1986) English-American actor
Dating Sex

Get Your Tongue Out Of My Mouth, I’m Kissing You Goodbye

American playwright, television writer & author
Relationships

Billy Almon has all of his inlaws and outlaws here this afternoon.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Family Misspokements Relationships