Subject: Definitions (Page 5)

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CPR: An emergency exercise that helps concerned onlookers feel useful while the victim expires.

Definitions Health

Litigant: A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

Definitions Law

Executive Ability: The art of getting the credit for all the hard work that somebody else does.

Definitions Work

Marriage: The difference between painting the town and painting the back porch.

Definitions Marriage

Falsies: A hope chest.

Body Clothing Definitions

Window Dresser: A girl who doesn’t pull down the shades.

Definitions People

Slogan: A good old American substitute for the facts.

Definitions

Foreword: An author’s apology.

Books Definitions

Taxes: A funding method which allows people to test their powers of deduction.

Definitions Taxes

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it.

Definitions Food/Drink

Convent: A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the vice of idleness.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

Appearance Body Definitions

Perfume: What a woman hopes will make her the scenter of attention.

Definitions Wordplay

Pregnancy: The shape of things to come.

Definitions

Diet: What helps a person gain weight more slowly.

Definitions Food/Drink

Consult: To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Testosterone: Hormone which causes facial hair, muscularity, a deep voice, speeding tickets, the desire to watch professional wrestling, Arnold Shwarzenegger movies, war, fist fights, and the need to purchase cocktails for women with names like “Boom Boom. ”

Definitions Men

Hip: Smartly attuned to the latest cutting-edge cliches.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Rite: A religious or semi-religious ceremony fixed by law, precept or custom, with the essential oil of sincerity carefully squeezed out of it.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions