Author: Rose Marie

Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, nothing will make a young teenage couple stay together as much as when their parents do something. Do what?

Rose Marie: When they go away for the weekend. When they’re left alone, they have a ball.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: True or false… most people’s attitudes toward strangers is, “Don’t get too close to me, I prefer to keep you at arm’s length!” [loud horn sounds to signify end the show]

Rose Marie: That’s my opinion!

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: According to police, if you are being molested, other than yelling, “Help!,” what is the best thing to scream?

Rose Marie: More!

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: True or false… most personal physical attacks are never reported to police.

Rose Marie: No, I just put them in my diary.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: According to Cosmo, can doctors do anything for your stretch marks?

Rose Marie: Well, if he's musically inclined, he can strum them.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: Is it okay to freeze mushrooms?

Rose Marie: What else do I have to do, Pete? 

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: You’re a shy, bashful girl. According to Cosmo, will you probably be helped in overcoming your shyness by choosing an extroverted, outgoing husband?

Rose Marie: Gosh, Pete, I did that once and his wife caught us.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: True or false… you can get a camel to be more cooperative by giving it tobacco and perfume.

Rose Marie: You can get an awful lot out of me that way! 

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he’s really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he’s married?

Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking?

Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter…and I’ll give you a gesture you’ll never forget!

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: According to Parade magazine, on what night of the week is a woman most likely to be molested?

Rose Marie: With my luck it’s tonight and I’m working.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: The great Sphinx has a human’s head, but whose body?

Rose Marie: Milton Berle's.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: True or false… if you have difficulty hitting the sack, a good idea is to talk yourself to sleep?

Rose Marie: Or Tom Snyder could do the same thing.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: In 1914, a new dance was introduced to America that became so controversial that it was barred from college campuses, and ministers preached against it as immoral.  We do it today though.  What dance was it?

Rose Marie: Why do you ask me a question about 1914?!

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: In bowling, what’s a perfect score?

Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: According to Billy Graham, there is only one thing that can satisfy your deepest longings. What?

Rose Marie: You want names or just…?

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: According to the famous children's story, why did Goldilocks refuse the porridge of the great big bear?

Rose Marie: Probably Vincent (Price) was playing the part, and he cooked it.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall:  According to experts, is it ever a good idea to sleep with the window open?

Rose Marie: I won’t say what I sleep with!

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

John Davidson: What’s the worst thing to have around the house?

Rose Marie: Vacuum cleaners! 

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall:  According to Amy Vanderbilt, what is the maximum length of time you and your fiancé should be engaged?

Rose Marie: Engaged in what?

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian

Peter Marshall: According to beauty experts, you put some egg white on your face, leave it on for two minutes, and then rinse with cool water. If you've been successful, what's gone?

Rose Marie: The egg white.

(1923 – ) American actress & comedian