Subject: Epitaphs (Page 10)

Here lies Groucho Marx and Lies and Lies and Lies

Epitaphs

Here lies Bernard Lightfoot who was accidentally killed in his forty fifth year.

Epitaphs

I put my wife beneath this stone, for her repose and for my own.

Epitaphs

Buried here beneath this clay lies gardener John Arbothnaut Jay. Now in his simpeternal home, a constant source of high-grade loam.

Epitaphs

Here lies poor but honest Bryan Tunstall. He was a most expert angler until Death envious of his art, threw out his line hooked him, and landed him here the 21st day of April, 1790

Epitaphs

Charity, wife of Gideon Bligh, underneath this stone doth lie. Nought was she e'er known to do, that her husband told her to.

Epitaphs

Here lies John Ross, kick'd by a boss.

Epitaphs

Here Lies Joyce, She'd rather not, But no choice.

Epitaphs

He looked for gold and died of lead poison

Epitaphs

We all have a debt – To nature due – I've paid mine – And so must you.

Epitaphs

Here lies old Jones, who all his life collected bones, till death, that grim and bony spectre, that all-amassing bone collector, boned old Jones, so neat and tidy, that here he lies all bona fide.

Epitaphs

… Here lie the bones of Sophie Jones; for her death held no terrors. She was born a maid and died a maid. No hits, no runs, no heirs.

Epitaphs

The children of Israel wanted bread and the Lord sent them manna. Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, and the Devil sent him Anna.

Epitaphs

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: His sins were scarlet, but his books were read.

Epitaphs

Here lies Frank a shining light, whose name, life, actions all were white.

Epitaphs

Blown upward out of sight: he sought the leak by candlelight

Epitaphs

OK . . . I gotta go now.

Epitaphs

When I was in the military, they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one.

Epitaphs

Here lies my twins as dead as nits, One died of fever the other of fits.

Epitaphs

They were two living sisters, who in this dust do lie. The very day Annie was buried Elizabeth did die.

Epitaphs

 Here lies the body of Dr Hayward, a man who never voted. Of such is the kingdom of Heaven.

Epitaphs