Subject: Headlines (Page 28)

Officials Say Death By Firing Squad Not That Bad

Study: Depressed Women Live Longer

Visitors To the Sandspit Are Advised That There Is A Prohibited Area Near the Groin

Cookies With Condoms Fail Family Taste-Test

Winners of Drunk Driving Contest Announced

How Sardines Saved Stranded Potholers

Three In Hospital After Fresh Legionnaires' Outbreak

Swedish Dentist Seizes Teeth in Payment Dispute

This Sport is Stupid Anyway – USA Out of World Cup

Man Avoids Jail After Sewing Son's Butt Shut

Mother Claims Flu Shot Caused Pregnancy in 14 Year Old Daughter

Bangkok Launches Anti-Butt Campaign

Cops Demanding Bribes From Aliens

Illiteracy Is Still A Poblem [sic] Among Mississippi Adults

Body Search Reveals $4,000 in Crack

Chaos Warning As The Sun Explodes

Spokane Parks to Detonate Squirrels

Mimes Blamed For Abusive Language

Jane Fonda to Teens: Use Head to Avoid Pregnancy

Pastor Kiweweesi in Bum Sex Scandal

British Union Finds Dwarfs In Short Supply