Subject: Headlines (Page 44)

Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again

Wolves In Complex Bid For Brewer

Troops Set Assault on MILF Camp

Some Teens Have An Air of Defiance

Man Vanishes While Driving

Queen to Skip Chuck Nups

Stud Tires Out

Cash Boost For Truancy

More Exercise May Help Weight Loss

Mermaid Rescue Plan Falters

Best Man Left Bleeding After Being Hit in Head by Flying Dildo

Use Of Heroin Shooting Up

Caribbean Islands Drift to Left

Murdered Fiancés Present Petition To Number 10

29 Hurt As Students Demand Right To Cheat

KGB Grills Bishop in Belarus

Police Use Tase on Fake Cougar

Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Feed Needy

Ban On Soliciting Dead In Trotwood

Teenager Pees In The Back Of A Sheriff's Car After Telling Deputy: "I Told You I Had To Go, You Stupid Cop"

Cop Broke Into Home To Do Laundry, Police Say