Subject: Headlines (Page 79)

Tax Mooted For Flatulent Cows

Hotel Burns, Two Hundred Guests Escape Half Glad

Abattoir Staff Will Be Halved

New Autos to Hit 5 Million

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

Yes, I'd Like To Be Castrated, Please

Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons

Rector With Crowbar Seeks To Lay Nun's Ghost

Dog Saves Owner’s Life After Cat Starts Fire

Bull's Sperm Comes Under The Hammer

Priest in Fatal Crash Improves

Mrs. Congeniality Acquitted

Armageddon Could Threaten United's Promotion Push

Invisible Tenants Get Council Cash

Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped

Half Of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study For Graduation

Goliath Cleared Of Assaulting Piranha At Club

Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

Pygmy Caught In Mousetrap

Green Light Given to Nuke Waste Dump

Playwright Tell Touching Story of Child Abuse