Subject: Headlines (Page 79)

Tax Mooted For Flatulent Cows

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Hotel Burns, Two Hundred Guests Escape Half Glad

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Abattoir Staff Will Be Halved

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New Autos to Hit 5 Million

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If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

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Yes, I'd Like To Be Castrated, Please

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Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons

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Rector With Crowbar Seeks To Lay Nun's Ghost

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Dog Saves Owner’s Life After Cat Starts Fire

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Bull's Sperm Comes Under The Hammer

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Priest in Fatal Crash Improves

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Mrs. Congeniality Acquitted

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Armageddon Could Threaten United's Promotion Push

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Invisible Tenants Get Council Cash

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Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped

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Half Of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study For Graduation

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Goliath Cleared Of Assaulting Piranha At Club

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Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

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Pygmy Caught In Mousetrap

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Green Light Given to Nuke Waste Dump

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Playwright Tell Touching Story of Child Abuse

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