Author: Epitaph Page 12

I Made Some Good Deals and I Made Some Bad Ones. I Really Went in the Hole With This One.

Epitaphs

Erected to the memory of John Macfarlane. Drowned in the waters of Leith – by a few affectionate friends.

Epitaphs

Here lies Estella – Who transported a large fortune to heaven, in acts of charity, and has gone thither to enjoy it.

Epitaphs

Here lies the wife of brother Thomas, whom tyrant death has torn from us, her husband never shed a tear, until his wife was buried here. And then he made a fearful rout, for fear she might find her way out.

Epitaphs

I came I know not whence, I go I know not whither.

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Mary, Mary, quite contrary How does your garden grow? Quite well, I bet, Since it's well fed By her body decomposing below.

Epitaphs

He heard the angels calling him, from the celestial shore. He flopped his wings and away he flew, to make one angel more.

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We all have a debt – To nature due – I've paid mine – And so must you.

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Here lies Dave Jordan – His last words were a shame… 'There's a light at the end of the tunnel'… Unfortunately it was a train

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Here lies Sissie Chang – Fumbled a grenade, went out with a bang

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Ebenezer Dockwood aged forty seven. A miser and a hypocrite and never went to Heaven.

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This is the grave of Mike O'Day, Who died maintaining his right of way. His right was clear, his will was strong. But he's just as dead as if he'd been wrong.

Epitaphs

Due to lack of ground in this cemetery, two bodies are buried in this one plot. One of them was a politician, the other was an honest man.

Epitaphs

Here lies James Dunn – he raced for the crossing but the train won

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“Here lies my wife in earthy mold, Who when she died and naught but scold. Good friends go softly in your walking lest she should wake and rise up talking”

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Here lies the body of Hannah Thurber. Once she talked none could curb her. Three husbands had she; all are dead. They died of earache, so ‘tis said!

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Here richly, with ridiculous display, The Politician's corpse was laid away. While all of his acquaintance sneered and slanged, I wept: for I had longed to see him hanged.

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Here lies (the Lord have mercy on her) One of Her Majesty's maids of honour: she was young, slender, and pretty; she died a maid — the more's the pity.

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John Edwards who perished in a fire. None could hold a candle to him.

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Those who cared for him while living, will know whose body is buried here, to others it does not matter.

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Here lies Bernard Lightfoot who was accidentally killed in his forty fifth year.

Epitaphs