Author: Epitaph Page 8

She tormented him until he dried up like a bundle of Straw.

Epitaphs

To the memory of David Wall – Whose superior performance on the bassoon endeared him to an extensive musical acquaintance. His social life closed on the 4th Dec. 1796. in his 57th year.

Epitaphs

Here lies Martin Elmrod. Have mercy on my soul, good God, as I would do were I Lord God, and you were Martin Elmrod.

Epitaphs

“I did it my way and I wound up here.”

Epitaphs

Here lies the body of Jonathan Near Whose mouth it stretched from ear to ear. Tread softly, stranger, o'er this wonder, For if he yawns, you're gone, by thunder.

Epitaphs

I put my wife beneath this stone, for her repose and for my own.

Epitaphs

Here lies poor but honest Bryan Tunstall. He was a most expert angler until Death envious of his art, threw out his line hooked him, and landed him here the 21st day of April, 1790

Epitaphs

I'm in on a plot.

Epitaphs

This debt I owe is justly due, and I am come to sleep with you.

Epitaphs

Here lies the body of poor Aunt Charlotte. Born a virgin, died a harlot. For 16 years she kept her virginity, a damn'd long time for this vicinity.

Epitaphs

Charlie was a chemist, but Charlie is no more. What Charlie thought was H20 was H2SO4.

Epitaphs

Here lies John Ross, kick'd by a boss.

Epitaphs

Old Vicar Sutor lieth here, Who had a Mouth from ear to ear. Reader tread lightly on the sod. For if he gapes, you're gone by G —.

Epitaphs

Mr. Fish. Worms are bait for fish, but here's a sudden change, fish is bait for worms. Is not that passing strange?

Epitaphs

I plant these shrubs upon your grave dear wife. That something on this spot may boast of life. Shrubs must wither and all earth must rot. Shrubs may revive, but you thank heaven will not.

Epitaphs

She was in health at 11.30 A. M. – And left for Heaven at 3.30 P. M.

Epitaphs

Accidentally shot as a mark of affection by his brother. After life's fever, I sleep well.

Epitaphs

Here lie I and my three daughters, All from drinking the Cheltenham waters. While if we had kept to the Epsom salts, We should not now be in these here vaults.

Epitaphs

Here lies a lewd Fellow, who, while he drew Breath, In the Midst of his Life was in Quest of his Death; Which he quickly obtain'd for it cost him his Life, For being in Bed with another Man's Wife.

Epitaphs

Here lies James Dunn – he raced for the crossing but the train won

Epitaphs

I don't know how to die.

Epitaphs