Author: Epitaph Page 9

G. Winch, the brewer, lies buried here. In life he was both hale and stout. Death brought him to his bitter bier. Now in heaven he hops about.

Epitaphs

A man of letters it seems was he; the college made him L.L.D. The Order a P.G.W.C. Grim death has given him the G.B., and may his ashes R.I.P.

Epitaphs

Hi! – Stay high – Bye

Epitaphs

It is so soon that I am done for, I wonder what I was begun for.

Epitaphs

Fair maiden Lilliard – lies under this stane – little was her stature – but muckle was her fame – upon the English loons – she laid monie thumps – and when her legs were cuttit off – she fought upon her stumps.

Epitaphs

Here I lie, my name is Ball, I lived, I died, despised by all; and now I cannot chew my crust, I'm gone back to my ancient dust.

Epitaphs

Uncle Walter Loved To Spend. He Had No Money in the End. But with Many a Whiskey and Many a Wife, He Really Did Enjoy His Life.

Epitaphs

Here lies the bones of David Jones, Laid both dead and dumb. He read a law and plead a cause But died from drinking rum.

Epitaphs

He has gone to the only place where his own works are excelled.

Epitaphs

Died at the age of 102 at the hands of a justifiably outraged husband.

Epitaphs

Reader, I've left this world, in which I had a world to do; sweating and fretting to get rich: just such a fool as you.

Epitaphs

No doctor ever physicked me, was never near my side. But when fever came I thought of the name, and that was enough – I died.

Epitaphs

I made an ash of myself

Epitaphs

A zealous locksmith died of late, and did not enter Heaven’s gate. But stood without and would not knock , because he meant to pick the lock.

Epitaphs

“I did it my way and I wound up here.”

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Here lies – Johnny Yeast – Pardon me – For not rising.

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Connection reset by peer – He came, he saw, he logged out

Epitaphs

Here lies Elizabeth, my wife for 47 years, and this is the first damn thing she ever done to oblige me.

Epitaphs

The land I cleared is now my grave. Think well, my friends, how you behave

Epitaphs

She lived a life of virtue and died of the cholera morbus, caused by eating green fruit in hope of a blessed immortality.

Epitaphs

Here lie the bones of Joseph Jones who ate while he was able. But once overfed, he dropt down dead and fell beneath the table. When from the tomb, to meet his doom, he arises amidst sinners. Since he must dwell in heaven or hell, take him – whichever gives the best dinners.

Epitaphs