Author Roger Ebert | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Roger Ebert Page 2

You know you’re in trouble with a sequel when the word of mouth advises you to see the first movie twice instead.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “The Twilight Saga: New Moon”

Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson star. … If I were taken off the movie beat and assigned to cover the interior design of bowling alleys, I would have some idea of how they must have felt as they made this film.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days”

I hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “North”

The director, whose name is Pitof, was probably issued with two names at birth and would be wise to use the other one on his next project.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Catwoman”

The Last Airbender is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “The Last Airbender”

It's the worst kind of bad film: the kind that gets you all worked up and then lets you down, instead of just being lousy from the first shot.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism Snake eyes

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo makes a living cleaning fish tanks and occasionally prostituting himself. How much he charges I'm not sure, but the price is worth it if it keeps him off the streets and out of another movie.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo”

“This sucks on so many levels.” — Dialogue from Jason X. Rare for a movie to so frankly describe itself. Jason X sucks on the levels of storytelling, character development, suspense, special effects, originality, punctuation, neatness and aptness of thought.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Jason X”

Parents: If you encounter teenagers who say they liked this movie, do not let them date your children.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Resident Evil: Apocalypse”

The movie is being revived around the country for midnight cult showings. Midnight is not late enough.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “The Beyond”

I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than The Brown Bunny.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “The Brown Bunny”

Going to see Godzilla at the Palais of the Cannes Film Festival is like attending a satanic ritual in St. Peter's Basilica… it was the festival's closing film, coming at the end like the horses in a parade, perhaps for the same reason.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Godzilla”

Wild Wild West is a comedy dead zone. You stare in disbelief as scenes flop and die. The movie is all concept and no content; the elaborate special effects are like watching money burn on the screen…

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Wild Wild West”

Saving Silverman is so bad in so many different ways that perhaps you should see it, as an example of the lowest slopes of the bell-shaped curve.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Saving Silverman”

I've seen audits that were more thrilling.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles”

If you plan to miss this movie, better miss it quickly; I doubt if it’ll be around to miss for long.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Americathon”

The movie Ed Wood, about the worst director of all time, was made to prepare us for Stargate. – Review of “Stargate”

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Ed Wood” “Stargate”

I will one day be thin… but Vincent Gallo will always be the director of The Brown Bunny.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “The Brown Bunny”

Only enormously talented people could have made Death to Smoochy. Those with lesser gifts would have lacked the nerve to make a film so bad, so miscalculated, so lacking any connection with any possible audience.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Death to Smoochy”

This movie is not merely bad, but incompetent. I get tapes in the mail from 10th graders that are better made than this… I have often asked myself, “What would it look like if the characters in a movie were animatronic puppets created by aliens with an imperfect mastery of human behavior?” Now I know.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism Of “Friends & Lovers”

No matter what they're charging to get in, it's worth more to get out.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism Armageddon

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Author: Roger Ebert Page 2

You know you’re in trouble with a sequel when the word of mouth advises you to see the first movie twice instead.

Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson star. … If I were taken off the movie beat and assigned to cover the interior design of bowling alleys, I would have some idea of how they must have felt as they made this film.

I hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.

The director, whose name is Pitof, was probably issued with two names at birth and would be wise to use the other one on his next project.

The Last Airbender is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented.

It's the worst kind of bad film: the kind that gets you all worked up and then lets you down, instead of just being lousy from the first shot.

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo makes a living cleaning fish tanks and occasionally prostituting himself. How much he charges I'm not sure, but the price is worth it if it keeps him off the streets and out of another movie.

“This sucks on so many levels.” — Dialogue from Jason X. Rare for a movie to so frankly describe itself. Jason X sucks on the levels of storytelling, character development, suspense, special effects, originality, punctuation, neatness and aptness of thought.

Parents: If you encounter teenagers who say they liked this movie, do not let them date your children.

The movie is being revived around the country for midnight cult showings. Midnight is not late enough.

I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than The Brown Bunny.

Going to see Godzilla at the Palais of the Cannes Film Festival is like attending a satanic ritual in St. Peter's Basilica… it was the festival's closing film, coming at the end like the horses in a parade, perhaps for the same reason.

Wild Wild West is a comedy dead zone. You stare in disbelief as scenes flop and die. The movie is all concept and no content; the elaborate special effects are like watching money burn on the screen…

Saving Silverman is so bad in so many different ways that perhaps you should see it, as an example of the lowest slopes of the bell-shaped curve.

I've seen audits that were more thrilling.

If you plan to miss this movie, better miss it quickly; I doubt if it’ll be around to miss for long.

The movie Ed Wood, about the worst director of all time, was made to prepare us for Stargate. – Review of “Stargate”

I will one day be thin… but Vincent Gallo will always be the director of The Brown Bunny.

Only enormously talented people could have made Death to Smoochy. Those with lesser gifts would have lacked the nerve to make a film so bad, so miscalculated, so lacking any connection with any possible audience.

No matter what they're charging to get in, it's worth more to get out.