Author Roger Ebert | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Roger Ebert Page 2

Perhaps it was made by beings from another planet, who were able to watch our television in order to absorb key concepts such as cars, sex, leukemia, and casinos, but formed an imperfect view of how to fit them together.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Breaking the Rules”

I've seen audits that were more thrilling.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles”

I've been reviewing movies for a long time, and I can't think of one that more dramatically shoots itself in the foot.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Diary of a Mad Black Woman”

John Waters’ Pink Flamingos has been restored for its 25th anniversary revival, and with any luck at all that means I won’t have to see it again for another 25 years. If I haven’t retired by then, I will.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Pink Flamingos”

If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen”

I hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “North”

“This sucks on so many levels.” — Dialogue from Jason X. Rare for a movie to so frankly describe itself. Jason X sucks on the levels of storytelling, character development, suspense, special effects, originality, punctuation, neatness and aptness of thought.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Jason X”

The Last Airbender is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “The Last Airbender”

Was there no one connected with this project who read the screenplay, considered the story, evaluated the proposed film and vomited?

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism From review of “Last Rites”

If I ever do a festival of films that deserve to be overlooked, Friends & Lovers is my opening night selection.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Friends and Lovers”

To call it an anticlimax would be an insult not only to climaxes but to prefixes.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “The Village”

I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than The Brown Bunny.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “The Brown Bunny”

I will one day be thin… but Vincent Gallo will always be the director of The Brown Bunny.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “The Brown Bunny”

Parents: If you encounter teenagers who say they liked this movie, do not let them date your children.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Resident Evil: Apocalypse”

Caligula is sickening, utterly worthless, shameful trash. If it is not the worst film I have ever seen, that makes it all the more shameful.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Caligula”

This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Freddy Got Fingered”

Add it all up, and what you’ve got here is a waste of good electricity. I’m not talking about the electricity between the actors. I’m talking about the current to the projector.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism Review of “One Woman or Two”

It's the worst kind of bad film: the kind that gets you all worked up and then lets you down, instead of just being lousy from the first shot.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism Snake eyes

Battlefield Earth is like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time. It's not merely bad; it's unpleasant in a hostile way.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Battlefield Earth”

Troy is based on the epic poem The Iliad by Homer, according to the credits. Homer’s estate should sue.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Troy”

Young men: If you attend this crap with friends who admire it, tactfully inform them they are idiots. Young women: If your date likes this movie, tell him you’ve been thinking it over, and you think you should consider spending some time apart.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Battle: Los Angeles”

Quotes and One Liners

humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more

Categories

Additional Categories

Oops...

Some Popular Authors

Author: Roger Ebert Page 2

Perhaps it was made by beings from another planet, who were able to watch our television in order to absorb key concepts such as cars, sex, leukemia, and casinos, but formed an imperfect view of how to fit them together.

I've seen audits that were more thrilling.

I've been reviewing movies for a long time, and I can't think of one that more dramatically shoots itself in the foot.

John Waters’ Pink Flamingos has been restored for its 25th anniversary revival, and with any luck at all that means I won’t have to see it again for another 25 years. If I haven’t retired by then, I will.

If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.

I hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.

“This sucks on so many levels.” — Dialogue from Jason X. Rare for a movie to so frankly describe itself. Jason X sucks on the levels of storytelling, character development, suspense, special effects, originality, punctuation, neatness and aptness of thought.

The Last Airbender is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented.

Was there no one connected with this project who read the screenplay, considered the story, evaluated the proposed film and vomited?

If I ever do a festival of films that deserve to be overlooked, Friends & Lovers is my opening night selection.

To call it an anticlimax would be an insult not only to climaxes but to prefixes.

I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than The Brown Bunny.

I will one day be thin… but Vincent Gallo will always be the director of The Brown Bunny.

Parents: If you encounter teenagers who say they liked this movie, do not let them date your children.

Caligula is sickening, utterly worthless, shameful trash. If it is not the worst film I have ever seen, that makes it all the more shameful.

This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels.

Add it all up, and what you’ve got here is a waste of good electricity. I’m not talking about the electricity between the actors. I’m talking about the current to the projector.

It's the worst kind of bad film: the kind that gets you all worked up and then lets you down, instead of just being lousy from the first shot.

Battlefield Earth is like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time. It's not merely bad; it's unpleasant in a hostile way.

Troy is based on the epic poem The Iliad by Homer, according to the credits. Homer’s estate should sue.

Young men: If you attend this crap with friends who admire it, tactfully inform them they are idiots. Young women: If your date likes this movie, tell him you’ve been thinking it over, and you think you should consider spending some time apart.