Author: Charley Weaver Page 2

Peter Marshall: Should you train your very young children on the piano?

Charley Weaver: No, try newspapers.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  True or false – drinking can make you hard of hearing.

Charley Weaver:  What?

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the nursery rhyme, “There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.  She had so many children she didn’t know what to do.”  What did she give her children to eat?

Charley Weaver: She lived in a shoe?  Filet of sole!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?

Charlie Weaver: A divorcee.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false – when the swallows return to Capistrano, they are probably coming from Argentina.

Charley Weaver: That’s true, and not only did they ruin my car, they blew up my trailer!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In the literary world, who kept saying ‘I think I can, I think I can?’

Charley Weaver: Well, out at the home, that was Mr. Ferguson. And Mrs. Ferguson kept saying '’ wish he would! I wish he would!’

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Which is higher, a vice admiral or a rear admiral?

Charley Weaver: That depends on who drinks the most.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… some African Watusi tribesmen greet guests by running toward them at full speed, then high-jumping over them.

Charley Weaver: This is sometimes terribly embarrassing to tall guests. 

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Why do people refer to ships as “she?”

Charlie Weaver: Because both have round bottoms.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What famous story begins with the discovery of magic beans?

Charley Weaver: Inherit the Wind.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What do most dentists say you should do with your dentures when you go to bed?

Charlie Weaver: Out at the home, we throw them into the center of the room and have a swap party.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to a recent article in the Miami Herald, at age 78, is Groucho Marx still interested in sex?

Charley Weaver: Yes, but he’s forgotten the secret word. 

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  Every night before he went to bed, George Washington would always put his false teeth into something. What?

Charley Weaver: Martha!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You’re a 71-year-old man who has lost interest in sex. Does your doctor have anything to help you?

Charley Weaver: No, but his nurse does.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Is there a weight limit for bags on airline flights in this country?

Charlie Weaver: If she can fit under the seat, she can fly.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Charles, how many balls would you expect to find on a billiard table?

Charley Weaver: How many guys are playing?

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to FEMA, people from Florida should be prepared for hurricanes and people from the Midwest should be prepared for floods. What should people from California be prepared for?

Charley Weaver: The people from Florida and the people from the Midwest.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: If you’re going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?

Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?

Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Robert Mitchum, one thing has ruined more actors than drinking. What?

Charley Weaver: Not drinking.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Today's Health, what do most dentists say you should do with your dentures before going to bed?

Charley Weaver: Out to the home, we throw them all into the center of the room and have a swap party.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares