Author: Charley Weaver Page 3

Peter Marshall: Which is higher, a vice admiral or a rear admiral?

Charley Weaver: That depends on who drinks the most.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the nursery rhyme, “There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.  She had so many children she didn’t know what to do.”  What did she give her children to eat?

Charley Weaver: She lived in a shoe?  Filet of sole!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  True or false – Lawrence Welk has a fourth grade education.

Charley Weaver:  That’s why he says, “And a one and a two…”

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  True or false – rumors circulate in business offices more than any place else.

Charley Weaver: That’s false, Peter, and we’re certainly going to miss you around here!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Charley, how many balls are on a pool table in a standard game of 8-ball?

Charlie Weaver: How many men are on the table?

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares