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Author: Emo Phillips Page 3
I ran three miles today… finally I said, ‘Lady take your ‘purse.'
Emo Phillips
(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities
Exercise
People ask me how much I weigh. I tell them, 145 pounds, naked; that is, if that scale outside the drugstore is anything to go by.
Emo Phillips
(1956 – ) American comedian
Appearance
Self
Weight
My mother was like a sister to me… only we didn’t have sex quite so often.
Emo Phillips
(1956 – ) American comedian
Family
Mothers
Sex
Sisters
I like walking in the park… plucking out nose hairs; those sleeping winos hate that.
Emo Phillips
(1956 – ) American comedian
Situations
I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
Emo Phillips
(1956 – ) American comedian
Marriage
Wives
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass; the refill contained the antidote.
Emo Phillips
(1956 – ) American comedian
Food/Drink
Lemonade Stand
Poison
My ex-girlfriend had weekly lessons with the devil on how to become more evil… I don’t know how much she charges him though.
Emo Phillips
(1956 – ) American comedian
Girlfriends
People
My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.
Emo Phillips
(1956 – ) American comedian
People
Self
Sex
Classmates
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