Author Mr. Cranky | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Mr. Cranky Page 2

[Kevin] Spacey would have looked more believable playing Joan Rivers. I was convinced this was a science fiction film for a while because Spacey was wearing so much makeup I thought he was an android.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Beyond the Sea”

While Stone may look good for her age, the reality is that such behavior in the real world would likely leave her less sexy and irresistible, and more partially decomposed.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Basic Instinct 2”

If [Robert] Duvall can improve on his next effort, somebody might hire him to write and direct the return of the Police Academy movies. It would be a step up.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Assassination Tango”

Let’s see, Ben Affleck is stuck with Sandra Bullock in a small vehicle, and they’re driving all the way to Georgia. Is he going to fall in love with her even though they’re complete opposites? Holy shit, I think so.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Forces of Nature”

Barb Wire is unlikely to spark heated intellectual debate at film schools anytime soon.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Barb Wire”

This had all the drama of a traffic jam.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen”

If you want to see what happens when independent filmmakers have too much money and don’t know what to do with it, just go see Bee Season.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Bee Season”

The weird part about the advertising for Midnight in Paris is that it wasn't at all presented as some kind of time travel fantasy, which meant I left my aviator goggles and opium ampoules at home.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Midnight in Paris”

Andy has two problems common to most Americans: He's a moron and he's itching to get laid.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “An American Werewolf in Paris”

What’s next for (Director Paul W.S.) Anderson? Maybe “Hannibal 2,” in which Anthony Hopkins escorts a group of toddlers to Chuck E. Cheese?

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Alien Vs. Predator”

This had all the drama of a traffic jam.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen”

I don't know if Oliver [Stone] is going through detox or what, but ever since Natural Born Killers, he's moved the camera around like an epileptic in an earthquake.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Any Given Sunday”

Whenever I see Denise Richards I tend to say the same thing Dustin Hoffman’s father said in “The Graduate”: ‘plastics’.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Empire” Denise Richards

In this day and age, there’s simply no good excuse for having that many children.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Cheaper by the Dozen 2”

There is some serious venom spewing from this movie, probably because screenwriters Steve Franks and Tim Herlihy are beginning to realize their only talent in life consists of riding their friend’s coattails through the Garden of Mediocrity.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Big Daddy”

I was stunned beyond words at the originality of the screenplay.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “D3: The Mighty Ducks”

Steve Guttenberg and a friendship between a dog and a dolphin – in what fiery pit of hell was this heartwarming plot conjured?

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Zeus and Roxanne”

Chain Reaction has more nifty coincidences than an identical twins convention.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Chain Reaction”

[Director Michael] Caton-Jones has about as much understanding of symbol and metaphor as a sock puppet.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “City by the Sea”

“Flubber” is further evidence of the death of cinema.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Flubber”

There’s saccharine writing and then there’s writing that, if you could liquefy it and inject it into the five-year-olds watching this thing, would launch them into space. This is the latter.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Because of Winn-Dixie”

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Author: Mr. Cranky Page 2

[Kevin] Spacey would have looked more believable playing Joan Rivers. I was convinced this was a science fiction film for a while because Spacey was wearing so much makeup I thought he was an android.

While Stone may look good for her age, the reality is that such behavior in the real world would likely leave her less sexy and irresistible, and more partially decomposed.

If [Robert] Duvall can improve on his next effort, somebody might hire him to write and direct the return of the Police Academy movies. It would be a step up.

Let’s see, Ben Affleck is stuck with Sandra Bullock in a small vehicle, and they’re driving all the way to Georgia. Is he going to fall in love with her even though they’re complete opposites? Holy shit, I think so.

Barb Wire is unlikely to spark heated intellectual debate at film schools anytime soon.

This had all the drama of a traffic jam.

If you want to see what happens when independent filmmakers have too much money and don’t know what to do with it, just go see Bee Season.

The weird part about the advertising for Midnight in Paris is that it wasn't at all presented as some kind of time travel fantasy, which meant I left my aviator goggles and opium ampoules at home.

Andy has two problems common to most Americans: He's a moron and he's itching to get laid.

What’s next for (Director Paul W.S.) Anderson? Maybe “Hannibal 2,” in which Anthony Hopkins escorts a group of toddlers to Chuck E. Cheese?

This had all the drama of a traffic jam.

I don't know if Oliver [Stone] is going through detox or what, but ever since Natural Born Killers, he's moved the camera around like an epileptic in an earthquake.

Whenever I see Denise Richards I tend to say the same thing Dustin Hoffman’s father said in “The Graduate”: ‘plastics’.

In this day and age, there’s simply no good excuse for having that many children.

There is some serious venom spewing from this movie, probably because screenwriters Steve Franks and Tim Herlihy are beginning to realize their only talent in life consists of riding their friend’s coattails through the Garden of Mediocrity.

I was stunned beyond words at the originality of the screenplay.

Steve Guttenberg and a friendship between a dog and a dolphin – in what fiery pit of hell was this heartwarming plot conjured?

Chain Reaction has more nifty coincidences than an identical twins convention.

[Director Michael] Caton-Jones has about as much understanding of symbol and metaphor as a sock puppet.

“Flubber” is further evidence of the death of cinema.

There’s saccharine writing and then there’s writing that, if you could liquefy it and inject it into the five-year-olds watching this thing, would launch them into space. This is the latter.