Author Mr. Cranky | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Mr. Cranky Page 2

While Stone may look good for her age, the reality is that such behavior in the real world would likely leave her less sexy and irresistible, and more partially decomposed.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Basic Instinct 2”

It’s truly rare that you see this level of insightful childhood psychoanalysis in a film about a basketball-playing dog.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Air Bud”

Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Daredevil”

Anybody who refers to this film as “brilliant” is a moron.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “187”

Just three of the least-likable actors in Hollywood paired up with three total has-beens in an over-long, convoluted rehash of every “I hate my boss” plotline that you've ever seen. Except all of the funny ones.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Horrible Bosses”

This movie is so badly acted and directed that it would have improved its seriousness significantly by casting finger puppets in the major roles.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Breakfast of Champions”

This feels like it must have been the first draft of the script. In the case of Anchorman, if there's a completed first draft to be found at all, I'll lick a theater floor clean.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Anchorman”

Andy has two problems common to most Americans: He's a moron and he's itching to get laid.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “An American Werewolf in Paris”

Think of Cowboys & Aliens as the wet spot on your mattress after a night of questionable passion. Everyone knows who made the wet spot, but no one wants to own up to it.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Cowboys & Aliens”

If an utter lack of effort had its own award show, the people involved with Baseketball could stand proudly next to the Yugo engineers and Monica Lewinsky's personal trainer as deserving nominees.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Baseketball”

This had all the drama of a traffic jam.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen”

This Mamet adaptation takes place in a very confined space, involves little or no action and is mostly concerned with how many minutes an actor can spew Mamet's laborious dialogue without collapsing.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “American Buffalo”

Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Daredevil”

It's probable that if a meteor landed right in the middle of Los Angeles, nobody would even notice. I say this because apparently nobody noticed that the first Anaconda sucked.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid”

This film appears to be something of an homage to "Some Like it Hot", which is kind of like saying that a bum taking a crap in a dumpster is an homage to “Star Wars.”

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Connie and Carla”

[Kevin] Spacey would have looked more believable playing Joan Rivers. I was convinced this was a science fiction film for a while because Spacey was wearing so much makeup I thought he was an android.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Beyond the Sea”

In this day and age, there’s simply no good excuse for having that many children.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Cheaper by the Dozen 2”

I’m not sure who cast this movie, but the only way they could have come up with two duller performances would have been to have the two leads play their characters using sock puppets.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Head Over Heels”

Steve Guttenberg and a friendship between a dog and a dolphin – in what fiery pit of hell was this heartwarming plot conjured?

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Zeus and Roxanne”

There is some serious venom spewing from this movie, probably because screenwriters Steve Franks and Tim Herlihy are beginning to realize their only talent in life consists of riding their friend’s coattails through the Garden of Mediocrity.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Big Daddy”

The main character’s bout with cancer throughout 50/50 was nothing compared to the mental anguish I was forced to deal with as the 'plot' of this misguided medical morass unfolded before me.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “50/50”

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Author: Mr. Cranky Page 2

While Stone may look good for her age, the reality is that such behavior in the real world would likely leave her less sexy and irresistible, and more partially decomposed.

It’s truly rare that you see this level of insightful childhood psychoanalysis in a film about a basketball-playing dog.

Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.

Anybody who refers to this film as “brilliant” is a moron.

Just three of the least-likable actors in Hollywood paired up with three total has-beens in an over-long, convoluted rehash of every “I hate my boss” plotline that you've ever seen. Except all of the funny ones.

This movie is so badly acted and directed that it would have improved its seriousness significantly by casting finger puppets in the major roles.

This feels like it must have been the first draft of the script. In the case of Anchorman, if there's a completed first draft to be found at all, I'll lick a theater floor clean.

Andy has two problems common to most Americans: He's a moron and he's itching to get laid.

Think of Cowboys & Aliens as the wet spot on your mattress after a night of questionable passion. Everyone knows who made the wet spot, but no one wants to own up to it.

If an utter lack of effort had its own award show, the people involved with Baseketball could stand proudly next to the Yugo engineers and Monica Lewinsky's personal trainer as deserving nominees.

This had all the drama of a traffic jam.

This Mamet adaptation takes place in a very confined space, involves little or no action and is mostly concerned with how many minutes an actor can spew Mamet's laborious dialogue without collapsing.

Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.

It's probable that if a meteor landed right in the middle of Los Angeles, nobody would even notice. I say this because apparently nobody noticed that the first Anaconda sucked.

This film appears to be something of an homage to "Some Like it Hot", which is kind of like saying that a bum taking a crap in a dumpster is an homage to “Star Wars.”

[Kevin] Spacey would have looked more believable playing Joan Rivers. I was convinced this was a science fiction film for a while because Spacey was wearing so much makeup I thought he was an android.

In this day and age, there’s simply no good excuse for having that many children.

I’m not sure who cast this movie, but the only way they could have come up with two duller performances would have been to have the two leads play their characters using sock puppets.

Steve Guttenberg and a friendship between a dog and a dolphin – in what fiery pit of hell was this heartwarming plot conjured?

There is some serious venom spewing from this movie, probably because screenwriters Steve Franks and Tim Herlihy are beginning to realize their only talent in life consists of riding their friend’s coattails through the Garden of Mediocrity.

The main character’s bout with cancer throughout 50/50 was nothing compared to the mental anguish I was forced to deal with as the 'plot' of this misguided medical morass unfolded before me.