Author Rob Vaux | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Rob Vaux

A tedious, astonishingly irritating march through scene after scene of quasi-Jungian horse flop.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Lady in the Water”

It's flawless in its flaws, without a single redeeming element to obscure its idealized awfulness.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Nutcracker in 3D”

It's a car movie made by people who couldn't find reverse in a Volkswagen; a puzzle box thriller assembled by the functionally insane.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Getaway”

Michael Madsen? Michelle Rodriguez? ‘I’ll take “Actors Who Should Never Appear in Period Pieces” for $500, Alex.’

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Bloodrayne”

Julianne Moore] spends the entire film walking the razor’s edge: gauging the difference between brilliance and disaster before assertively losing her balance.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Freedomland”

Fool! Dost thou not know that creepy children have cursed our screens in numbers too great to count, and by now, we find them marginally less terrifying than navel lint?

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “The Reaping”

Only someone so smart could make a movie this stupid.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “My Soul to Take” Writer/director Wes Craven

You say ‘psychotic codependency’ like it’s a bad thing.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Crazy Love”

Not even Ian McKellan can bring it to life… and when Ian McKellan throws in the towel, you know the difficulties are too large to fix.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism The Da Vinci Code

Whew! That was close: something almost happened there for a minute.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2”

You can actually hear the writers pulling ideas out of their butts and flinging them willy-nilly at the screen.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian”

House of Wax is cheap, dirty entertainment, and it knows it.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “House of Wax”

Yeah Johnny, it’s got a Hemi. Too bad the rest of your movie is such a broken-down lemon.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer”

I’d give real money to see the perpetrators of Chicago torn apart by dingoes.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism Chicago

My poor brain hung in there for as long as it could, but it lost its grip during the giant chicken attack and I haven’t seen it since.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “10 000 B.C.”

Progressing from nowhere to nothing and leaving only a greasy taste in the mouth as a reward.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Conan the Barbarian”

You’ll have more fun setting fire to yourself in the parking lot. You’ll be more entertained getting hit by a bus.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever”

It’s obvious that nobody believed in this project longer than it took for the check to clear.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “The Sentinel”

I suppose this is what we get for encouraging the man.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Rambo (Rambo IV)” Sylvester Stallone

It doesn’t suck. Please take a moment to pick your jaw up off the floor and we’ll continue.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Rocky Balboa”

You could do worse… by which I mean you couldn't possibly do worse.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Hercules”

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Author: Rob Vaux

A tedious, astonishingly irritating march through scene after scene of quasi-Jungian horse flop.

It's flawless in its flaws, without a single redeeming element to obscure its idealized awfulness.

It's a car movie made by people who couldn't find reverse in a Volkswagen; a puzzle box thriller assembled by the functionally insane.

Michael Madsen? Michelle Rodriguez? ‘I’ll take “Actors Who Should Never Appear in Period Pieces” for $500, Alex.’

Julianne Moore] spends the entire film walking the razor’s edge: gauging the difference between brilliance and disaster before assertively losing her balance.

Fool! Dost thou not know that creepy children have cursed our screens in numbers too great to count, and by now, we find them marginally less terrifying than navel lint?

Only someone so smart could make a movie this stupid.

You say ‘psychotic codependency’ like it’s a bad thing.

Not even Ian McKellan can bring it to life… and when Ian McKellan throws in the towel, you know the difficulties are too large to fix.

Whew! That was close: something almost happened there for a minute.

You can actually hear the writers pulling ideas out of their butts and flinging them willy-nilly at the screen.

House of Wax is cheap, dirty entertainment, and it knows it.

Yeah Johnny, it’s got a Hemi. Too bad the rest of your movie is such a broken-down lemon.

I’d give real money to see the perpetrators of Chicago torn apart by dingoes.

My poor brain hung in there for as long as it could, but it lost its grip during the giant chicken attack and I haven’t seen it since.

Progressing from nowhere to nothing and leaving only a greasy taste in the mouth as a reward.

You’ll have more fun setting fire to yourself in the parking lot. You’ll be more entertained getting hit by a bus.

It’s obvious that nobody believed in this project longer than it took for the check to clear.

I suppose this is what we get for encouraging the man.

It doesn’t suck. Please take a moment to pick your jaw up off the floor and we’ll continue.

You could do worse… by which I mean you couldn't possibly do worse.