Author: Charley Weaver

Peter Marshall:  Every night before he went to bed, George Washington would always put his false teeth into something. What?

Charley Weaver: Martha!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  True or false – drinking can make you hard of hearing.

Charley Weaver:  What?

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to a recent article in the Miami Herald, at age 78, is Groucho Marx still interested in sex?

Charley Weaver: Yes, but he’s forgotten the secret word. 

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  You are a senior citizen and during the night while you are asleep, your heart beats 50 times per minute.  Is there something wrong with you?

Charley Weaver:  Well, let's put it this way.  Could you ask me Friday's questions today?

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false – when the swallows return to Capistrano, they are probably coming from Argentina.

Charley Weaver: That’s true, and not only did they ruin my car, they blew up my trailer!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Charley, an 87-year-old doctor named Quick invented something that’s named for him.  What is it?

Charley Weaver: 87 years old? I’d say the quickie!   

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Is there a weight limit for bags on airline flights in this country?

Charlie Weaver: If she can fit under the seat, she can fly.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What famous story begins with the discovery of magic beans?

Charley Weaver: Inherit the Wind.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

Charley Weaver: His feet.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  True or false – rumors circulate in business offices more than any place else.

Charley Weaver: That’s false, Peter, and we’re certainly going to miss you around here!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  Do rosey cheeks always mean good health?

Charley Weaver: Not if you're sitting on a radiator!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to FEMA, people from Florida should be prepared for hurricanes and people from the Midwest should be prepared for floods. What should people from California be prepared for?

Charley Weaver: The people from Florida and the people from the Midwest.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  Shakespeare wrote 154 of them.  What are they?

Charley Weaver:  Checks to Rose Marie for services rendered.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You’re a 71-year-old man who has lost interest in sex. Does your doctor have anything to help you?

Charley Weaver: No, but his nurse does.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Which is higher, a vice admiral or a rear admiral?

Charley Weaver: That depends on who drinks the most.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Charley, how many balls are on a pool table in a standard game of 8-ball?

Charlie Weaver: How many men are on the table?

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Arthur Hailey had a very successful movie and novel called Hotel. He has a new best seller about another stopover point. What is it called?

Charlie Weaver: Service Station.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the nursery rhyme, “There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.  She had so many children she didn’t know what to do.”  What did she give her children to eat?

Charley Weaver: She lived in a shoe?  Filet of sole!

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  True or false – as you get older, your skin becomes more transparent.

Charley Weaver:  Out at the home in the x-ray room, they just hold us up to a light bulb.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Charles, how many balls would you expect to find on a billiard table?

Charley Weaver: How many guys are playing?

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: If you’re going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?

Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares