Author Mr. Cranky | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Mr. Cranky

“Flubber” is further evidence of the death of cinema.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Flubber”

What’s next for (Director Paul W.S.) Anderson? Maybe “Hannibal 2,” in which Anthony Hopkins escorts a group of toddlers to Chuck E. Cheese?

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Alien Vs. Predator”

If you want to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Hollywood is a cesspool of whoredom and back-door deal-making, just look at the credits of the writers responsible for this monstrous piece of crap.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “X-Men: The Last Stand”

It probably helps if you're high too when checking out Bad Teacher, as that might help you get through the film’s excruciating lack of plot, combined with a cast of characters that might as well have been lifted directly from every single f**king movie about a school ever made… ever.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Bad Teacher”

If an utter lack of effort had its own award show, the people involved with Baseketball could stand proudly next to the Yugo engineers and Monica Lewinsky's personal trainer as deserving nominees.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Baseketball”

This Mamet adaptation takes place in a very confined space, involves little or no action and is mostly concerned with how many minutes an actor can spew Mamet's laborious dialogue without collapsing.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “American Buffalo”

To imagine that there was a whole process required to bring this film to screen is almost too painful to imagine.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Dude Where’s My Car?”

Whenever I see Denise Richards I tend to say the same thing Dustin Hoffman’s father said in “The Graduate”: ‘plastics’.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Empire” Denise Richards

This film has all the energy of a rotting corpse.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Eddie”

Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Daredevil”

There is some serious venom spewing from this movie, probably because screenwriters Steve Franks and Tim Herlihy are beginning to realize their only talent in life consists of riding their friend’s coattails through the Garden of Mediocrity.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Big Daddy”

Love is a douche commercial.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Autumn In New York”

Andy has two problems common to most Americans: He's a moron and he's itching to get laid.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “An American Werewolf in Paris”

The main character’s bout with cancer throughout 50/50 was nothing compared to the mental anguish I was forced to deal with as the 'plot' of this misguided medical morass unfolded before me.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “50/50”

I really should dynamite this movie just for forcing me to watch Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler try to act. The dude plays himself and I didn’t believe it – that’s how bad he is.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Be Cool”

I don't know if Oliver [Stone] is going through detox or what, but ever since Natural Born Killers, he's moved the camera around like an epileptic in an earthquake.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Any Given Sunday”

[Director Michael] Caton-Jones has about as much understanding of symbol and metaphor as a sock puppet.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “City by the Sea”

To imagine that there was a whole process required to bring this film to screen is almost too painful to imagine.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Dude Where’s My Car?”

This movie is so badly acted and directed that it would have improved its seriousness significantly by casting finger puppets in the major roles.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Breakfast of Champions”

Thor is really just like your dad out in the garage after a few drinks. Only more racist.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Thor”

Captain America is a movie where nothing really happens until just before the very end, when the director accidentally filmed a few action sequences but made sure that the main bad guy wasn’t involved whatsoever. Then nothing happens, again, then roll credits.

Mr. Cranky

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Reviews/Criticism “Captain America”

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Author: Mr. Cranky

“Flubber” is further evidence of the death of cinema.

What’s next for (Director Paul W.S.) Anderson? Maybe “Hannibal 2,” in which Anthony Hopkins escorts a group of toddlers to Chuck E. Cheese?

If you want to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Hollywood is a cesspool of whoredom and back-door deal-making, just look at the credits of the writers responsible for this monstrous piece of crap.

It probably helps if you're high too when checking out Bad Teacher, as that might help you get through the film’s excruciating lack of plot, combined with a cast of characters that might as well have been lifted directly from every single f**king movie about a school ever made… ever.

If an utter lack of effort had its own award show, the people involved with Baseketball could stand proudly next to the Yugo engineers and Monica Lewinsky's personal trainer as deserving nominees.

This Mamet adaptation takes place in a very confined space, involves little or no action and is mostly concerned with how many minutes an actor can spew Mamet's laborious dialogue without collapsing.

To imagine that there was a whole process required to bring this film to screen is almost too painful to imagine.

Whenever I see Denise Richards I tend to say the same thing Dustin Hoffman’s father said in “The Graduate”: ‘plastics’.

This film has all the energy of a rotting corpse.

Affleck probably got the part of the blind superhero because he was the only actor too inebriated to duck when the producers flung objects at his head.

There is some serious venom spewing from this movie, probably because screenwriters Steve Franks and Tim Herlihy are beginning to realize their only talent in life consists of riding their friend’s coattails through the Garden of Mediocrity.

Love is a douche commercial.

Andy has two problems common to most Americans: He's a moron and he's itching to get laid.

The main character’s bout with cancer throughout 50/50 was nothing compared to the mental anguish I was forced to deal with as the 'plot' of this misguided medical morass unfolded before me.

I really should dynamite this movie just for forcing me to watch Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler try to act. The dude plays himself and I didn’t believe it – that’s how bad he is.

I don't know if Oliver [Stone] is going through detox or what, but ever since Natural Born Killers, he's moved the camera around like an epileptic in an earthquake.

[Director Michael] Caton-Jones has about as much understanding of symbol and metaphor as a sock puppet.

To imagine that there was a whole process required to bring this film to screen is almost too painful to imagine.

This movie is so badly acted and directed that it would have improved its seriousness significantly by casting finger puppets in the major roles.

Thor is really just like your dad out in the garage after a few drinks. Only more racist.

Captain America is a movie where nothing really happens until just before the very end, when the director accidentally filmed a few action sequences but made sure that the main bad guy wasn’t involved whatsoever. Then nothing happens, again, then roll credits.