Author Rob Vaux | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Rob Vaux

My poor brain hung in there for as long as it could, but it lost its grip during the giant chicken attack and I haven’t seen it since.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Fee. Fi. Fo. Meh.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Miscellaneous “Jack the Giant Slayer”

If you hear the phrase "Italian caveman epic" and your heart doesn't sing at least a little bit, then I pity your sad and joyless existence.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Yor the Hunter from the Future”

It's a car movie made by people who couldn't find reverse in a Volkswagen; a puzzle box thriller assembled by the functionally insane.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Getaway”

I’d give real money to see the perpetrators of Chicago torn apart by dingoes.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism Chicago

God help us, there’s going to be a director’s cut, isn’t there?

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism Review of “Eragon”

Real-life military trainers – regardless of gender – never make you say, ‘Wow you’re hot!’ They make you say, ‘I’ll do whatever you want, please don’t hurt me.’

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Annapolis”

By trying to convince us that we’re having a good time even as it pounds us senseless, Speed Racer moves beyond mediocrity and into the realm of active irritant.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Speed Racer”

You can actually hear the writers pulling ideas out of their butts and flinging them willy-nilly at the screen.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian”

It doesn’t suck. Please take a moment to pick your jaw up off the floor and we’ll continue.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Rocky Balboa”

House of Wax is cheap, dirty entertainment, and it knows it.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “House of Wax”

It’s obvious that nobody believed in this project longer than it took for the check to clear.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “The Sentinel”

Robbing casinos? Shit, these guys should be in charge of Katrina relief!

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Ocean’s Thirteen”

Psst! DreamWorks! Your Nemo envy is showing!

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Shark Tale”

Oh come on. Like you couldn’t smell this turkey rotting from miles away.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “The Scorpion King”

Sun Tzu believed that becoming predictable would lead to disaster. Apparently, the creators of The Art of War couldn’t be bothered to take him to heart.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “The Art of War“

Though a scant 100 minutes long, After Earth feels longer and slower than your average PBS pledge drive.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Miscellaneous “After Earth”

Is this what we’ve been reduced to? A film whose noise and explosions are separated from the season’s other noise and explosions solely by the fact that they’re painted blue?

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Poseidon”

Stop for a moment and ponder just how stupid it is to blow the ending of your movie in the title.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn”

This film sucks on a level I can scarcely describe.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance”

I suppose this is what we get for encouraging the man.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Rambo (Rambo IV)” Sylvester Stallone

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Author: Rob Vaux

My poor brain hung in there for as long as it could, but it lost its grip during the giant chicken attack and I haven’t seen it since.

Fee. Fi. Fo. Meh.

If you hear the phrase "Italian caveman epic" and your heart doesn't sing at least a little bit, then I pity your sad and joyless existence.

It's a car movie made by people who couldn't find reverse in a Volkswagen; a puzzle box thriller assembled by the functionally insane.

I’d give real money to see the perpetrators of Chicago torn apart by dingoes.

God help us, there’s going to be a director’s cut, isn’t there?

Real-life military trainers – regardless of gender – never make you say, ‘Wow you’re hot!’ They make you say, ‘I’ll do whatever you want, please don’t hurt me.’

By trying to convince us that we’re having a good time even as it pounds us senseless, Speed Racer moves beyond mediocrity and into the realm of active irritant.

You can actually hear the writers pulling ideas out of their butts and flinging them willy-nilly at the screen.

It doesn’t suck. Please take a moment to pick your jaw up off the floor and we’ll continue.

House of Wax is cheap, dirty entertainment, and it knows it.

It’s obvious that nobody believed in this project longer than it took for the check to clear.

Robbing casinos? Shit, these guys should be in charge of Katrina relief!

Psst! DreamWorks! Your Nemo envy is showing!

Oh come on. Like you couldn’t smell this turkey rotting from miles away.

Sun Tzu believed that becoming predictable would lead to disaster. Apparently, the creators of The Art of War couldn’t be bothered to take him to heart.

Though a scant 100 minutes long, After Earth feels longer and slower than your average PBS pledge drive.

Is this what we’ve been reduced to? A film whose noise and explosions are separated from the season’s other noise and explosions solely by the fact that they’re painted blue?

Stop for a moment and ponder just how stupid it is to blow the ending of your movie in the title.

This film sucks on a level I can scarcely describe.

I suppose this is what we get for encouraging the man.