Author: Richard Lewis

I am much more comfortable in someone else’s skin.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Self

I have low self-esteem; when were in bed together, I would fantasize that I was someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Characteristics People Self Sex

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

My shrink told me that my happiness was stress related.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Happiness Self

I wrote my nightmares out this afternoon so I can get a good night’s sleep tonight.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Sleep

There’s no place like home… that’s why I never went back.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Places

My grandfather used to make home movies and edit out the joy.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Family Happiness

As a child my parents said they believed in Santa Claus but that I didn’t exist.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Family Parents

My shrink gives me 75 per cent off if I make believe I’m someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Doctors Health

The first sentence that I was taught to say by my parents as a little boy was: “Of course I know that I’m wrong.”

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Communication People Self Speech

I don’t blame my parents for my dysfunctions… I blame their parents.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Family Parents

During sex I fantasize that I’m someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Self Sex

If there is reincarnation and I come back as myself, I’ll kill myself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Self

What’s a Jewish mobster?… ‘I’m going to break the legs of your therapist.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Conflict People

This weekend I pulled a muscle in my cheeks trying to smile.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

If I have an orgasm, I feel that I have to give six weeks of community service to various charities.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Sex

If I have an orgasm, I feel that I have to give six weeks of community service to various charities.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Characteristics Sex

I tried phone sex and got an ear infection.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health Sex

She was hostile: you don’t have an orgasm and say to your lover, ‘Take that!’

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Relationships Sex

My family wasn’t very religious; on Hanukkah, they had a menorah on a dimmer.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

I never give advice – I give warnings to live by.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Beliefs