Subject: Activities (Page 22)

I would like to go fishing and catch a fishstick… that would be convenient.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali; he was using a dotted line… he caught every other fish.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Art

If fishing is a religion, fly fishing is high church.

(1940 – ) American television journalist & author
Activities

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces… and when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities

My nightmares have coming attractions.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Sleep

If you can’t sleep, count sheep. Don’t count endangered animals. You will run out.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Animals Sleep

We had different ideas as to what the problem was: she bought me Viagra; I bought her a treadmill.

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian, radio personality, author & actor
Activities Exercise Sex

If I have an orgasm, I feel that I have to give six weeks of community service to various charities.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Characteristics Sex

I love Mexico because it’s a giant dollar store.

(1965 – ) American comedian
Places Shopping

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Animals Conflict Situations Sleep

They say the best exercise takes place in the bedroom; I believe it, because that's where I get the most resistance.

comedian
Activities Exercise Sex

I could only teach him how to juggle his books.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Activities

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Activities Housework

I found an old swimming suit that I had made out of sponges; I remember one time I wore it in a pool, then I left and no one could go swimming until I came back.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Situations

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Driving Murphy’s Laws

If it feels good, it’s ugly. If it looks good, it hurts.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Shopping

The shortest route has the steepest hills.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Activities Characteristics Games Honesty

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Drugs

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities

I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of a hill.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Sports