Subject: Beliefs » God (Page 5)

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

God will pardon me… it is His trade.

(1797 – 1856) German critic & poet

A man can no more diminish God’s glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word ‘darkness’ on the walls of his cell.

(1898 – 1963) Irish-born British novelist, literary critic & essayist

If there's one thing I know it's God does love a good joke.

blogger (Standing Room Only)

I take him shopping with me… I say, 'OK, Jesus, help me find a bargain.'

(1942 – 2007) American televangelist (was married to Jim Bakker)

I hope God speaks English; if I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host

If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.

(1920 – ) Hungarian writer

If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Gods like to see an atheist around… gives them something to aim at.

(1948 – ) English novelist

God is not on the side of the big battalions, but on the side of those who shoot best.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

Good God, how much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth-decay in His divine system of creation?

(1923 – 1999) American satirical novelist, short story writer & playwright

The missionaries go forth to Christianize the savages – as if the savages weren't dangerous enough already.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist

May God defend me from my friends; I can defend myself from my enemies.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist

Agnostic: A person who says that he knows nothing about God and, when you agree with him, he becomes angry.

Go back to what our founders and our founding documents meant – they’re quite clear –- that we would create law based on the God of the Bible and the Ten Commandments.

(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author

If only God would give me some clear sign! … like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.

(1867 – 1936) author & humorist

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer

Why's God always got such wacky shit to say?… when's the last time you heard somebody say, 'God told me to get a muffin and a cup of tea and cool out, man.'

American comedian & actor