Subject: Beliefs » God (Page 5)

It’s hard to believe that if there is a God, he would want people to stand in the street and shout like maniacs. I think He would choose better qualified people.

(1980 – ) English comedian & novelist
Beliefs God People

If you want to know what God thinks of money, you only have to look at those to whom he gives it.

(1874 – 1945) English writer, translator & war correspondent
Beliefs God Money

I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Beliefs God People

Droughts are because God didn’t pay his water bill.


God

Why should I talk to you?… I've just been talking to your boss.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Beliefs Communication Death God

Sex is God's joke on human beings.

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater
Beliefs God People Sex

If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Beliefs Children God Religion

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' – probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
God

Men don't get cellulite — God might just be a man.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Beliefs God Men

If only God would give me some clear sign! … like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God Money Situations

The only thing God didn't do to Job was give him a computer.

(1907 – 1989) American writer
Beliefs Computers God Things

God is good, but never dance in a small boat.

Dance God Proverbs Things

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Drugs God People

Cocaine is God's way of saying that you're making too much money.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
God Money

If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs God

God was left out of the Constitution but was furnished a front seat on the coins of the country.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs God

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
God Men People Things

I believe our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Beliefs God People

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God Opinion

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Emotions Entertainment God Laughter

A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.

(1867 – 1936) author & humorist
Beliefs God