Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Hollywood Squares
(Page 16)
Peter Marshall: According to police, if you are being molested, other than yelling, “Help!,” what is the best thing to scream?Rose Marie: More!
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… the navy has trained whales to recover objects a mile deep.Paul Lynde: At first they tried unsuccessfully with cocker spaniels…
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, in ancient Rome, bakers were required by law to bake something into each loaf of bread. What?Paul Lynde: A Christian.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Burt Reynolds is quoted as saying, “Dinah (Shore)’s in top form. I’ve never known anyone to be so completely able to throw herself into a…” A what?Paul Lynde: A headboard.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to
Parade
magazine, on what night of the week is a woman most likely to be molested? Rose Marie: With my luck it’s tonight and I’m working.
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul, what is the primary problem that develops with men’s zippers?Paul Lynde: Rust.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… pickles and martinis don’t taste as good to people with dentures? George Gobel: Well, you can get along without dentures.
George Gobel
(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Elizabeth Post, does she think it’s a good idea to send out divorce invitations? Sonny Bono: I forgot to ask!
Sonny Bono
(1935 – 1998) American recording artist, record producer, actor & politician
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Arthur Hailey had a very successful movie and novel called
Hotel.
He has a new best seller about another stopover point. What is it called?Charlie Weaver: Service Station.
Charley Weaver
Cliff Arquette (1905 – 1974) American actor & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: What are “dual purpose” cattle good for that other cattle aren’t?Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies… but I don’t recommend the cookies!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: If you want to know if a plastic surgeon is really qualified, who should you check with? Paul Lynde: Tony Randall.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Do female frogs croak? Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?Paul Lynde: Make him bark.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: True or false… your teeth are about the same size and shape as a pig's?Paul Lynde: Look who's talking, Beaverface!
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Spiro Agnew was in the infantry during World War Two. Was he decorated? Wally Cox: He looked really pretty in the puka shells but they made him take them off…
Wally Cox
(1924 – 1973) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter: Do baby elephants nurse? Paul Lynde: That’s why you should never go topless on an African beach.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Eddie Fisher says that he hasn’t had one in eight years, but he’s looking. For what?Paul Lynde: Oh, an accompanist who takes
MasterCard.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Eva Gabor says she dislikes a particular word because it signals the end of something that started out so beautifully. What word?Paul Lynde: Pregnant.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Paul,Zsa Zsa Gabor says she never ever swims with her face in the water. Why?Paul Lynde: It clogs the drain.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: Where does most of the olive oil in the world come from? Paul Lynde: Caesar Romero’s comb.
Paul Lynde
(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares
Peter Marshall: According to Amy Vanderbilt, what is the maximum length of time you and your fiancé should be engaged?Rose Marie: Engaged in what?
Rose Marie
(1923 – ) American actress & comedian
Hollywood Squares
Page 16 of 22
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