Author: George Gobel

Peter Marshall: According to flag ettiquette, how does a woman show her respect for the American flag? 

George Gobel: She picks up a sailor.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

John Davidson: What is a bee fly?

George Gobel: A zipper on a bee’s jeans.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to The People’s Almanac, what do they call it when one person is engaged in kissing, fondling, and caressing with another person?

George Gobel: In show  business, we call it an interview.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to weather statistics, where is the wettest spot on Earth?

George Gobel: The parking lot at Busch Gardens.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What do you call a cow that won’t give milk? 

George Gobel: Hamburger

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  George, does Elizabeth Taylor smoke?

George Gobel:  She has one cigarette after every meal, which amounts to… two packs a day.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to The People’s Handbook Of Medical Care, it’s the single-most important factor in letting you know that something is wrong with you. What is it?

George Gobel: It’s when people pass you on the street, and go “YECCH!”

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to French wine experts, was 1969 a good, or a bad year for wine?

George Gobel: Now this has got to be a trick question because there's never been a bad year for wine.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Traditionally, on Ground Hog Day, what is the ground hog looking for when he comes out of his hole?

George Gobel: Well, anything except a speeding lawn mower.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to an old song, you should “Wrap all your troubles in…” What?

George Gobel: Furs… and tell her to stop calling your house! 

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What is the definition of the word “Gobbledygook?”

George Gobel: That’s the stuff that crusts over in turkeys’ eyes when they’re asleep. 

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink

Peter Marshall: True or false… George, experts say there are only seven or eight things in the world dumber than an ant.

George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of ‘em.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Father Lester's column, is there ever, EVER a time when it is permissible to punch somebody in the mouth?

George Gobel: Well, yeah. Like if he backs into the church's new Chevy wagon.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the Reverend Billy Graham, what sin have you committed if you drink too much?

George Gobel:  Gluttony.  The neighbors say I ate their cat. 

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to an article in the Dayton Daily News, it’s the most universal reaction in men after they’ve gotten their divorce. What is it?

George Gobel: Relief.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

George Gobel: Sometimes it sure seems that way…

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… the dining room of the House of Representatives in Congress serves 10-12 gallons of beans every day?

George Gobel: And they go pass… (laughter) legislation!

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Years ago, American Indians tied small pine trees to their feet, and thereby invented what?

George Gobel: Shoe trees.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Education Marriage School

Peter Marshall: True or false… there is a Catholic parish in Las Vegas that holds services in a topless discotheque?

George Gobel: Yes, and there's a sign that says "Do not tip or touch the choir."

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares