Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 12)

Peter Marshall: Helen Gurley Brown recently said of Henry Kissinger, "His most outstanding endearing quality is his ability to make someone feel…" Feel what?

Jan Murray: His thighs.

(1916 - 2006) American stand-up comedian, actor & game show host
Miscellaneous

He was as mad as a mule chewin' on bumblebees!

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This is gooder'n grits.

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He’s three sheets in the wind.

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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.

Miscellaneous

My mother told me, you don’t have to put anything in your mouth you don’t want to; then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Miscellaneous

Congratulations On Your Latest Production. Am Sure It Will Look Better After It’s Been Cut.

(1892 – 1964) singer, dancer, comedian, actor & songwriter
Miscellaneous

Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk: A Modest Bestiary

(1956 – ) American humorist, comedian & author
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Why is there so much pressure to spend Independence Day with other people?

American actress, comedian, writer & musician
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He don’t use his kindlin’ to get a fire started.

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Felt like a rabbit ran over my grave

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I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I’d like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.

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As easy as herding chickens/cats

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You better get left because you ain't right.

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Lying like a snake in the grass.

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You didn’t pick up a crooked stick.

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Fee. Fi. Fo. Meh.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Miscellaneous

Her tongue was tied in the middle and loose at both ends.

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I guess if I was starving to death I would eat a dog; but not a collie, because I don’t like the taste of collie.

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Speed Limit Enforced by Sniper

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If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let ‘em go, because, man, they’re gone.

Miscellaneous