Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 34)

Born short and slapped down flat

Miscellaneous

I told my doctor I want to get a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don’t need one.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

I Can’t Get Over You, So Why Don’t You Get Under Me?

Miscellaneous Song Titles

You are about as grateful as a toothache.

Miscellaneous

I feel like I've been chewed up and spit out.

Miscellaneous

Crookeder than a dog’s hind leg.

Miscellaneous

It’s been saucered and blowed.

Miscellaneous

You want to get three feet up a bull’s ass, just listen to the whisperings of sweethearts.

(1954 – 2008) British film director, playwright & screenwriter
Miscellaneous

He’s gone to hell in a hand basket.

Miscellaneous

Limberlost,  Missouri

Miscellaneous

Got off like a fat rat with cheese.

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Gooder’n snuff and not half as dusty

Miscellaneous

I try to be as nice to her as I possibly can, because one day I may need part of her liver.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Miscellaneous

She'll be late to her own funeral.

Miscellaneous

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I’d just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.

Miscellaneous

Busier than a moth in a mitten!

Miscellaneous

Is it any 'count?

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Mites stay on a chicken’s ass.

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Don't sell your mule to buy a plow.

Miscellaneous

Dumber 'n a sack of wet mice

Miscellaneous

Even a blind hog finds an acorn now and then.

Miscellaneous